Satan's Sister!
by Sigan
Summary: Taking place after the events of the anime, Maou must juggle the aspects of his ordinary human life with his plans for world domination, the path to which is paved in fast food, rent money, and demon magic. When a familiar face emerges from the Devil's past, will he find that his plans are ruined, or is this the stroke of good fortune he's been waiting for? AU, OC, rating may vary
1. Demon Queen Helena

Two years ago, on the Isla Kentorum, Emilia the Hero and her comrades were storming the Devil's Castle.

It was a day she would never forget.

The unbelievable power radiating through the grand corridors of the dimly lit fortress pressed itself against Emi like invisible pillows, and she found that even with her incredible Celestial Force, it still managed to make breathing difficult. She paused for a second, panting in her heavy armor as Olba, Emerada, and Alberto came to a halt behind her, breathing just as hard as she was.

"I never would've guessed Satan to possess this much power," Olba wheezed.

"Perhaps he's… summoned his Generals together… for one final showdown," Emerada posed, her lack of breath causing her to shorten her syllables.

"Just a little farther, everyone," Emili growled.

The humans of Ente Isla were counting on the Hero, and she'd driven hard against the Demon King and his Queen, pushing their forces back, inch by bloody inch, until finally his armies had been consolidated at the castle they stood in now.

Once more, the group took to sprinting, their breaths quick and shallow as they tried to work past the discomfort. They arrived in a large hall of sorts, the kind which might've been used to host a royal gala. It was large, empty, and just as dark as the rest of the castle, but at the far end rose two large thrones, carved into the dark stone walls. In these thrones sat two people: the Demon King, and the Demon Queen. The Devil, Satan Jacob, sat in his throne, gripping at the arms of the stone chair with black talons as his red eyes carefully picked out the Hero and her allies.

At the Demon King's side was his Queen, whose eyes shown with a violet malice. She had talons longer than her King's, and long violet hair, which hung in elegant locks about her head, held in place by a golden circlet. The Devil was dressed in dark robes, with a long, billowing cape, sewn with large leather pauldrons.

The Demon Queen wore a fine dress, and a similar mantle to Satan's though hers looked more ceremonial, and less rugged.

"Demon King, Demon Queen, I am the Hero of Ente Isla," Emilia cried from across the hall, cutting through the oppressive layer of demon magic with her holy sword, "in the name of the Church, I hereby slay the both of you for the good of humanity!"

"I'm afraid that I cannot allow that," echoed a voice, the ever faithful Demon General Alciel stepping in from the shadows, his ambers eyes glowing golden as he glared at the war party, "and unfortunately for you, our victory was assured as soon as you stepped foot into this room!"

Alciel clicked his fingers, the sound echoing off of the dark stone walls as the grand doors closed shut behind Emilia, Olba, Emerada and Alberto, cutting off any chance of escape.

Battle commenced quickly enough, as all sides were impatient for the final confrontation. Emilia charged straight for the Demon King, Better Half flashing brightly as she cut through beams of demon magic, gaining ground fairly quickly. Emerada and Alberto took on Alciel, two in one, and managed to incapacitate him long enough to aid the Hero, who charged in and slashed a horn from Satan's head.

The Devil roared at the Hero, and from behind her, a clawed hand raised to strike, rose the Demon Queen, Helena, fierce and terrible as she made to slash through the Hero's armor.

Olba threw a bolt of Holy magic at the queen's back, smiting her. It burned a hole through the Demon Queen's mantle, and turned her attention from the Hero, thus saving Emilia's life.

Emerada and Alberto rejoined the battle as well, quickly gaining the upper hand as they all battered against the solitary Demon King. Alciel returned shortly thereafter, angry that the humans had bested him for even a moment. The Demon General bore witness as the Demon Queen quickly took control of the battle between herself and Olba, but things with the Devil were not so good.

"Alciel," Helena roared, "take Satan and leave! I will hold off these whelps!"

"I cannot leave you, your highness," Alciel called out, making haste to her side so as to help her overwhelm the High Priest.

"Do as I command," Helena roared, using her magic to push Alciel away, "a Kingdom is lost without its King!"

Alciel was torn, and after a moment he let loose a roar that made everyone turn to look at him. With a golden gleam in his eyes, he threw enough power at the humans surrounding the Demon King to blast open the wall behind them, and with the Demon King in tow, Alciel took to the skies.

"Turn around, Alciel, I am your King! We cannot abandon Helena," the Devil shouted.

"A Kingdom without a King is lost," Alciel shouted over the wind in his ears.

"HELENAAA," the Devil shouted, holding out a hand as he watched the Demon Queen battle, four on one, against the humans.

Satan's final thought was one of anger as the Demon General opened a gate, and cast his King into it before following after his liege.

The Demon Queen smiled, knowing that the Devil was safe as soon as the Gate closed. She fought with renewed vigor, a savage grin upon her face as she threw every ounce of demonic magic she had at her adversaries. She sensed something off, though, and after a moment, she realized that the Hero had withdrawn, and was rocketing after Satan and Alciel.

"No!"

It was far too late, for even as the gate waned and finally snapped shut, the Hero shot through it like an arrow through a bullseye. The Demon Queen, distraught and angry, levelled a hand at Emerada, Alberto and Olba, freezing all three of them in place before the Demon Queen threw open a Gate herself and flew inside. As soon as the Gate closed, the freezing spell lifted, leaving Emerada, Alberto, and Olba with a battle to attend to, and unsure as to whether or not the Hero was alright.

* * *

Two years passed in Tokyo, Japan, and for a time there was peace for the Devil and his Demon General as they adjusted to the strange ways of plant Earth. Then, along came the Hero, adding chaos to the mix as she did her utmost to kill and contain the Demon King and his plans to subjugate both Ente Isla and Earth. The day finally came when Sadao Maou saved Emi Yusa from a somewhat creepy Archangel, earning her trust as they learned to live side by side.

"Here ya go," Emi said, extending a hand, and giving Maou a spare umbrella.

It was raining out, just as it had been when Maou had first met the Hero. With a sigh of relief, Maou opened the umbrella, glad that he was no longer getting soaked.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"You're welcome," Emi said, twirling her umbrella happily.

It was a warm, humid day up until that point, but a crack of thunder made Maou jump as he felt an intense chill grip the air around him. His breath began to fog, and the rain picked up as the clouds grew thicker, and the day grew darker.

"This wasn't in the forecast," Emi said quietly, peering up at the sky from beneath her umbrella.

"Nor was this," a woman's voice hissed from behind her, "die, Hero!"

Emi spun around, only to be assaulted by-

"Huh," Emi wondered aloud, looking down at the young girl on the sidewalk behind her, who looked furious as she beat Emi fruitlessly with a wet umbrella of her own.

"Wha-hey, cut that out, you'll get me all wet," Emi said, looking around for the parent of the deranged child, who's expression soured when she realized the Hero was not affected by her attack.

"Emi? Who are you- HELENA?!"

"S-Satan Jacob," asked the young girl, looking at Maou with wide eyes as she accidently dropped her umbrella on the sidewalk.

"You know this little girl Maou," Emi asked, raising an eyebrow at the Devil, who looked as though he might run away screaming, or start crying at any moment.

"This is-" Maou began.

"I am Helena Jacob, Demon Queen, and commander of Satan's Legions!"

* * *

That was one of few days Maou called in sick to work, and Kisaki, who sat at her desk, listening to the stress in his voice, decided to allow it. As she hung up her phone and sighed, making the appropriate changes to the roster in her head, she couldn't help but wonder what could've happened to make her most dependent and loyal worker go AWOL.

* * *

"Ok, so let me get this straight," Emi growled, her eyes flickering between Maou, his two Demon Generals, and the Demon Queen, who scowled right back at the Hero.

They were sitting in Maou's apartment, and Emi, Maou, and Helena were all soaking wet, and cold. Ashiya, ever the worrywart, brewed a fresh pot of tea and put the steaming hot mugs into the hands of the Demon King and Queen with reverence. He thrust a cup into Emi's hands as well, though it was much less caring.

"You… the little girl who looks like she should be on her way to primary school… are the Demon Queen, Helena?"

"Foolish human," Helena scoffed, "I am actually in middle school!"

Emi's eye twitched, and Maou slapped a hand to his forehead. Ashiya shook his head, and Urushihara actually looked up from his laptop to smirk for a second before ignoring the new guest of the house once more.

"Helena," Maou asked suddenly, "what are you doing here? The last I saw you were-"

"Fighting to save you," Helena said, pointing accusatorily at Maou, "I told you, didn't I? I said 'If we attack Ente Isla now, we'll be vulnerable! I told you that it was a risky decision! We could've waited another hundred years, but noooo! Stupid little Satan had to go and ruin everything!"

"You can't talk to me like that just because you're older than me," Maou said angrily, "and besides, in this world, I'm the older sibling!"

"Come again," Emi asked, one eyebrow raised as her whole head cocked to the side, unsure as to whether or not she'd heard that right.

"What's with all this shouting," Suzuno said suddenly, kicking in the door to the Demon Fortress and looking grumpy, "I was trying to sleep!"

"It's four thirty in the afternoon," Ashiya said, "that day is almost over and you're still sleeping?!"

But Emi was still enraptured in the bickering between Maou and the middle schooler, who claimed to be his older sister… and was treating him much like you'd expect.

"Idiot little brother!"

"Stupid sister," Maou retaliated.

"Ok, Suzuno had a point, you guys should quiet down," Urushihara said, massaging his temples as he felt a headache start to throb in his skull.

"Loser," Helena said loudly.

"Brainiac," Maou replied in kind.

"GUYS!"

Emi's shout cut through the din of everyone talking at once. She felt many angry eyes upon her, but ignoring this, she said, "If you guys are brother and sister… how the hell are you two married?!"

"We're not, Emi," Maou said, waving his hand at the Hero, "don't be stupid."

"Demons are not so petty as humans," Helena smirked, "we do not need marriage to consolidate power. So long as you have sufficient will, anyone can rule with anyone. It's purely political, and based on the results you bring to the table."

"So… you're not a couple?"

"Ugh, you humans have the sickest mindsets," Helena grumbled, holding a hand to her mouth and looking ill.

"No, Emi, we're siblings, that's it," Maou said, looking at the Hero with disdain, "get your mind out of the gutter!"

"Wait a moment," Suzuno said, her eyes flickering between Maou and Helena, "you two are related?"

"This is the Demon Queen," Maou said wearily, gesturing at his sister, who looked at him rather angrily at this lackluster introduction.

"Idiot!"

"OW!"

Helena took off her book bag, which, as it just so happened, was filled with several heavy books, and she walloped her brother over the head with it. She then re-shouldered the bag in a single movement, and stepped forward to shake Suzuno's hand.

"Demon Queen Helena," she said in a rather business-like fashion, "and you are?"

Suzuno took the little girl's hand, and before anyone could catch her, Suzuno's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she swooned, falling to the floor with a thud.

"That was rude," the Demon Queen noted, withdrawing her hand and taking a seat next to her brother once more.

"So, do they just call you Demon Queen Helena, or is there another name we can call you to avoid suspicion," Ashiya asked, whisking away Helena's empty teacup and refilling it.

"Chimei Akuma is my human name," Helena said, "though you may call me Helena if you wish. It makes no difference."

"Wait, chimei means deadly… and akuma means demon… you literally named yourself 'deadly demon,'" Maou asked, laughing at his sister as she pouted, looking embarrassed.

"I was trying to explain who I was to the fools at the Ministry of Justice when applying for citizenship," Chimei sighed, "and through my Idea Link, they mistook the words I used to when referring to myself as my actual name."

"That doesn't explain why you're so young though," Emi noted, "when I fought you…"

Emi could barely remember all the details, but she knew for a fact that when she'd fought the Demon Queen, she was a fully grown demoness, and had stool taller than Emi herself.

"Huh? Oh, I suppose I am looking quite young, aren't I," Chimei said, scrunching her eyebrows as she poured a little magic into her appearance and slowly but surely aged. Soon enough, she looked about as old as the Hero, with long indigo hair and….

"Dammit," Emi growled, staring at the Demon Queen's chest with envy, as her aging spell had amplified her assets considerably.

"There! Now I can ditch that horrible orphanage," Chimei said, tossing her long hair over her shoulder and picking up her teacup. Maou, however, continued staring at his sister, open mouthed. Chimei took notice, and she glowered at him.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," she said darkly.

"How come I can't do that!? What sort of spell did you use?! Teach it to me!"

"No way, you'd end up doing something stupid, besides, you've been around looking like that for some time, you can't just go changing your appearance when you have to go to work tomorrow," Chimei said wisely, looking happy at the fact that she had one-upped her brother.

"I hate you," Maou said, crossing his arms and glaring at his sister, who smiled widely at him.

"Love you too, little bro!"

"So then… it wasn't a dream," Suzuno asked, sitting up with Emi's help as her eyes focused upon the Demon Queen once more.

"Nope. Sorry if I scared you," Chimei said, flashing a friendly grin at Suzuno, who looked as though she might faint once more, "I'm Chimei! An enemy of my idiot brother's is a friend of mine! Aside from the Hero, that is. And the Church… and Heaven."

The Demon Queen shot a look of seething dislike at Emi before smiling at Suzuno once more. The clergywoman blanched.

"S-she changed form," Suzuno said, "I think I preferred the little girl….Blergh."

And so Suzuno once more faded from consciousness.

"Are you doing that on purpose," Emi asked exasperatedly, tapping Suzuno's face as she tried to wake her.

"Doing what? Being nice and introducing myself? I'm not using magic, if that's what you're implying," Chimei said hotly, looking angry for a moment before turning to Maou.

"Anyway, I hope you have money for another sleeping bag and more pillows, cause I'll be staying with you from now on!"

Chimei's words seemed to break through Suzuno's subconscious, because she groaned in her sleep as Emi tried to shake her awake.

"Just end me now," she moaned, "I can't deal with another Devil at my doorstep. God, forgive me, I've failed as your Inquisitor!"

Maou, on the other hand, was suddenly alight with righteous fury.

"Wha-you mean-NO! Absolutely not! I don't care how bad that orphanage was, I can't support four people by myself, all the while putting up with Heroes and Clergywomen, and whatever the hell else Heaven decides to throw at me!"

"Not a problem, I can get a job with you," Chimei said, picking at her toes as she ignored her brother's outrage.

"I don't care if you're my twin sister, no means no, dammit! Out! Out with all of you! I've had it with these people in my Castle! Demon Generals, to me, we're clearing house!"

Just like that, Lucifer and Ashiya were on their feet, tossing both Emi and Suzuno out on their butts. Suzuno, however, was still unconscious from shock, but from within the sounds of Maou's apartment came the roar of a dragon and the shrill cries of Maou and his subordinates as the Demon Queen unleashed her wrath upon them. There were crashes and bangs, and still more cries before the dust finally settled, and Emi dared to peek inside the room.

Ashiya had Chimei by the arm, and was doing his utmost to pull her towards the door while Urushihara and Maou pushed upon her. The Demon Queen, however, looked unbothered, her arms crossed and her stance relaxed as all three demons failed to make her budge.

"Get… out," Maou growled through gritted teeth.

"Make me," Chimei yawned, raising an eyebrow as the Demon King and two of his Generals did their utmost to remove her from the premises.

"Don't make me use my magic," Maou warned his sister.

"Try it, see what happens."

Maou's eyebrow twitched, and finally he fell back, his eyes glowing with a fierce crimson light as he leveled his hands at his sister and intoned a spell of force. A wave of power flashed from the Demon King and smote Ashiya, Chimei, and Urushihara, however, Maou cringed as both of his Demon Generals were thrown out into the hall, past Emi, and into the wall opposite, leaving the Demon Queen to turn and glare at Maou in an annoyed fashion.

"Ugh, you're so stupid," she scoffed, walking by Maou, and kicking him in the shin before laying out a sleeping bag and curling up in it, ignoring Maou's pained groans as he lay on the floor as well, clutching his leg.

"Now what're you doing," Maou muttered, noting how his sister had stolen his sleeping bag: the bulkiest and most comfortable of them all.

"I'm going to bed,"Chimei said tiredly, "and tomorrow, I'll be coming with you to apply for a job at MgRonalds. Don't embarrass me, idiot."

"Ingrate," Maou seethed, still rubbing his shin as Urushihara and Ashiya hobbled back inside, nursing injuries of their own.

"What am I supposed to do with her," Emi asked indignantly, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder at Suzuno, who was still snoozing peacefully out on the floor of the main entryway.

"Put her back in her room and go home," Maou grunted, getting up to shut the door.

Emi put her foot in the way, forcing Maou to face her for a moment.

"This isn't over," Emi said, looking deadly serious.

"Not even close," Maou sighed, "in fact, I'd say things are just getting started."

With that, Maou closed the door in Emi's face, leaving her to lay Suzuno back down in her apartment and catch the train home, thinking hard on the Devil's words, and the troubling appearance of the Demon Queen.

* * *

 **Hey all! So this fic was a prompt from my friend and editor, misssexysmartypants, who challenged me to write a humorous story about the Demon King's sibling sister, whereas she would write about the Demon King's sibling brother. I gave the prompt a lot of thought, and after some time I had a character figured out. Sort of. As you can tell, she is the epitome of the anime big sister. She calls the Demon King an idiot (frequently) and she vehemently believes he is at fault for their loss during the final battle, the detail for which I had to change around to fist this alternate version of history.**

 **What does the emergence of the Devil's big sister mean for the fate of our little family?**

 **Your guess is as good as mine, but I assume we'll see in the upcoming chapters!**


	2. The Interview

The Devil woke early the next morning to find his sister snoring loudly, looking far too comfortable for her own good. He was tempted, for a moment, to kick her in the shin, as his had bruised up and was still sore. Instead, he grabbed his wash bag and walked down to the bathhouse so that he could bathe and get ready before work.

As he sat in the bathhouse, letting the hot water soak into his sore muscles, he found that his sister's reappearance was much more troublesome than he had realized, especially given her level of self-confidence. Helena Jacob, the Demon Queen of Ente Isla, was a stubborn, hotheaded girl who was convinced that she was always right, and never wrong.

She was impulsive, but she was also incredibly intelligent and cunning. The end result being that Helena thought herself far superior to the Demon King. It was true, in a sense, for much like in the animal kingdom, the female was always larger, more dominant, and ferocious.

The same went for demons and demonesses.

Maou felt a twinge of guilt for thinking so poorly of his sister. The truth was, he owed her his life. There was a time, before Maou had unified several wandering demon tribes beneath his banner, during which his sister was the only one who cared for him. She protected him, and kept him safe. She kept them alive, even when it was just her against the entirety of the harsh, predatory landscape of the Demon World. Nothing ever daunted Helena from protecting her idiot little brother.

Even when Maou was ungrateful, or felt her rules were too strict, Helena always put him first. Together, they lifted each other up, coming farther than any other demon had in regards to their consolidation of power. When it came time for Maou to select a Queen, he couldn't have chosen a better one than his sister, for who else would have the crass to tell him if an idea was stupid and wouldn't work? Who else would watch his back, and make sure that no harm came to the Demon King?

They fought, of course, as all siblings do, but at the end of the day, it was Maou and his sister against the world… perhaps, with some careful flattery and a few choice words, Maou could wriggle his way back into his sisters good graces… she couldn't stay mad at him forever, could she?

* * *

"Maou, you idiot, I was supposed to come into work with you!"

Maou had already been at work for several hours, and it was the lunchtime rush when Chimei had stormed into the Hatagaya MgRonalds, Ashiya trailing behind her, and looking rather upset with himself.

"Chimei," Ashiya muttered, "you said you only wanted to come say hi, and to buy some lunch!"

"I lied," Chimei shrugged before turning her fury back to her brother, who was still trying to smile at the register, though perspiration dotted his brow.

"You were supposed to wake me up, bring me with you, and get me a job here!"

"Is there a problem," asked a stern female voice.

Mayumi Kisaki, Maou's boss, and the Manager of the Hatagaya branch of MgRonalds, came out onto the floor, stopping right before Chimei.

Almost as if they were mirror images, Chimei and Kisaki both crossed their arms and leaned heavily upon one leg, taking a stance that said 'I'm not gonna put up with your crap.' Ashiya stared between Kisaki and Chimei, noting their eerily similar features. They appeared to almost be the same age, though Kisaki had a few years on Chimei's human form, and Chimei's indigo hair was a few shades darker that Kisaki's hasty purple side ponytail.

"Family business," Chimei said, an eyebrow raised in defiance.

"Ah, so you're related to one of my employees," Kisaki asked, her friendly tone matching her cold smile.

"Yeah, that twerp," Chimei said, pointing with her chin at Maou, who almost felt the need to duck behind the register as both women turned to stare at him.

"I see. Even so, I'm afraid I can't allow any sort of confrontation. Maou is my employee, and he has a lot on his plate, what with the lunchtime rush starting. Please order your food, and make sure to speak with him on your own time."

Kisaki's tone was rather decisive, and she turned away to stalk back to her office, sure that nothing else would happen. Chimei smirked for a moment, watching Kisaki leave before stepping right up to the register, a handful of yen clutched in her talons.

"That woman is wife material," Chimei said, winking at Maou, who blanched.

"She's my boss," Maou muttered.

"Still, you need a good woman in your life… someone who can whip you into shape when I'm not around," Chimei laughed, "anyway… let me get two number nines… a number nine large… a number six with extra dip… a number seven…two number forty-fives… and a large soda."

"Geez, I sure hope you're ordering for everyone, and not just for yourself," Maou said, punching in the order and reading out Chimei's total.

Ashiya watched warily as the Demon Queen counted out the notes and handed them to her brother. Maou made change faster that Chimei's eyes could follow, and with a professional smile he gave her the food, which was made rather quickly, as it was all hands on deck in the kitchen.

"Thanks for your patronage," Maou remarked, "please come again!"

Even as he said it, however, he sincerely hoped that Chimei never entered the Hatagaya MgRonalds again… perhaps there was a branch a little farther away that would be a better fit for her.

Maou worked through the lunch rush, and after about an hour and a half, things slowed down considerably. He was just about to go on break when one of his coworkers came up to him, telling him that Kisaki wanted to see him in her office. Maou, thinking that his break would have to wait, figured that it was best not to keep her waiting.

He found Kisaki sitting behind her desk, pouring over what Maou recognized to be his employee portfolio, which was filled with signed documents, notes on his performance, and assessment forms. On the top, however, was Maou's original application, still scribed with poorly formed kanji, as he was still new to writing when he'd filled it out.

"Maou, I've been looking through your file," Kisaki said without looking up, "and while your performance has been stellar… I don't see anything in here about any sort of family. Care to explain what that woman was doing here?"

"That was my sister," Maou said, "she was raised… where I was raised. I haven't seen her in a while."

"I suppose that would explain her lack of etiquette. Why did she think that you would be able to get her a job here," Kisaki asked, causing Maou to stiffen in his chair, "you didn't tell her that-"

"No! No, I don't want her working here," Maou said suddenly, "it's just, she moved in and I'm supporting four people, and when I told her as much, she assumed I could get her a job. I didn't promise her anything."

"Does she have any skillsets?"

"Aside from being a pain in my ass?"

"Yes, aside from the basic sibling behaviors," Kisaki said, "is she as strong willed as you are?"

"More so," Maou replied, "almost to a fault."

"Loyal?"

"Again, to a fault."

"Is she quick on her feet? Good with her hands? Does she have any experience in working in a fast paced environment," Kisaki asked, firing off questions like bullets."

"Well, I mean, I guess she can move fast," Maou said lamely, thinking back to when the Demon Queen had fought at his side, "she's certainly no slouch."

"Is she reliable?"

"That depends," Maou shrugged, "she can be temperamental."

"Like when she stormed into my restaurant and demanded a job," Kisaki noted.

"Yeah."

Kisaki frowned, looking as though she was divided about something. Maou was wondering what sort of punishment he would get for his sister's indiscretion.

"When can she start?"

Maou's face fell, and suddenly he was on his feet, looking thoroughly outraged.

"You can't be serious," Maou cried, "the girl's a menace!"

"She's got spunk," Kisaki said with a shrug, "she reminds me of a younger me."

"She's nothing like you, and that's a compliment," Maou said quickly, pacing back and forth in front of his boss' desk.

"Give me some of her weaknesses," Kisaki demanded, smiling politely at Maou's discomfort, "what are some areas she can improve upon?"

"Are you seriously still considering her as a candidate," Maou asked, his voice shrill as he stared at Kisaki, "again, she's a menace. She's rude in the extreme, she sleeps late and isn't even a functioning member of society. It's like she's still in middle school, except I've gotta take care of her!"

"So, would you say that she's a bit directionless? Like she's looking for a cause? It sounded to me as though she really wanted this job…"

"There are other jobs-"

"But where else will she have a loving brother to show her the ropes? I think it'd be a good idea for the both of you to work here," Kisaki said suddenly, her eyes shining as she stood from her desk, looking as though she'd had an epiphany.

Maou froze, sure he wouldn't like what was coming.

"Tell her she starts next week. Bring her in over the weekend so we can process the necessary paperwork. You, Maou, will be your sister's safety net. It's your job to train her in, and to make sure she follows protocol. If she's still here after ninety days, I'll not only give you an excellent referral bonus, I'll give you a raise! I get a new, hardworking staff member with a built in support system, and you get paid quite handsomely. How does that sound?"

"I…"

Maou was speechless. On one hand, there would be the painful aspect of dealing with his annoying older sister every day at work. He would be completely responsible for any screw-ups, and any accidents. If things went poorly, Maou would be the one to suffer for it, and his reputation would be tarnished.

On the other hand, if things went alright… well, Maou had heard some very good things about the referral bonuses. And a raise on top of it? Plus, his sister helping to pay the bills? It was a risk, a gamble he wasn't sure he should take… If only Ashiya were there, Maou could consult him on probabilities, and use his strategic insights, which would surely pick up on anything Maou may have overlooked.

"I'll tell you what," Maou said suddenly, "how about I tell Hele-I mean, I'll tell Chimei about the job offer. I'll make sure she's given it a lot of thought, and will be a good fit… then, if I feel she's ready to enter the workforce, I'll bring her in this weekend to finalize paperwork."

"I'd expect no less," Kisaki said, looking rather serious, "your reputation as our hardest worker will be put to the test, and you have to make sure your sister will last here. You know I have no patience for slackers or pushovers… take the week, impress upon her the importance and duties of the job offer, and if you feel she's a good fit, bring her in. If you think it'll take a bit more time, I can wait, but if you don't see any signs of promise in her… well, it's best to get rid of the irritant before it grows into a real problem."

The Devil looked at his boss carefully, wondering what in the hell she was talking about. Did Kisaki just suggest Maou dispose of his sister… or was she simply referring to getting rid of bad employees before they cause problems? Whatever the case, Maou felt his night fly by as he tried to think of a way to approach Chimei in regards to the problem at hand. To his knowledge, the Demon Queen only had one weakness, and that weakness was-

"Chocolate!"

Maou kicked in the door to his apartment, and turned on the lights, forcing everyone on the floor to shield their eyes from the brightness. Ashiya and Urushihara usually stayed up pretty late to accommodate Maou's return from work, but it seemed Chimei had demanded they all turn in early. Even Urushihara, who ususally stayed in the closet to sleep, was lying out on the floor, looking displeased.

"Ch-Chocolate?!"

Chimei's frown turned upside down, and she sniffed the air carefully, as if she could actually smell it. Chocolate was a very rare commodity in Ente Isla, and the Demon Queen, who'd sampled some after conquering most of the known world, had gotten a very serious addiction to the stuff.

Now, however, she sat up and scooted towards the table, not bothering to notice her brother's very forced smile. Maou set a plastic shopping bag down on the table, and from within, Chimei pulled out a variety of chocolate based sweets. There was a whole triple chocolate cake, bought from a deli store, and almost every kind of chocolate bar available. She greedily tore open the wrapper of a chocolate bar and took a bite, the growl in her throat signaling her pleasure. The Demon Queen shivered and fell backward, her body quivering as her eyes rolled.

"That's the stuff," Chimei said briefly, taking another bite of the candy bar.

"Now then, Chimei, I have some very serious matters to discuss with you," Maou said, sitting across from his sister, who sat back up and tried to focus on Maou, though the candy in her hand drew her attention much more easily.

"Are you sure you can handle getting a job," Maou asked, "and more importantly, do you think you can trust me to train you? If not, I don't think we can have you working at the Hatagaya MgRonalds."

"But then, where else am I supposed to work," Chimei asked blankly, "no offense, bro, but the last time I let you take the lead, we lost the final battle, and had to retreat to this world."

"I know, I know," Maou interrupted, holding up his hands, "but here's the thing, my boss is interested in you. She seems to think you might be a good fit, so if you think you can handle me being your boss, then we'll begin working on your etiquette. If not… well, I guess you'll have to try a local convenience store or something."

"I hate customer service," Chimei groaned, speaking through the sweet, melty chocolate bar she was devouring.

"Consider it a temporary measure. We can rebuild our armies here, and this world's fear and despair will fuel our eventual re-ascendance to power. We just have to be patient."

Maou tried to judge his sisters feelings. The sweets he'd brought her were certainly having a positive effect, considering the fact that Chimei hadn't outright rejected Maou's proposal, still….

"What's your long term goal for this," she asked suddenly, "how many years do you think it'll take for us to reconquer?"

"Technology is far more advanced here," Maou reason, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "but was have magic on our side. All things considered, I think we could return to Ente Isla and restart our conquest in about… fifty years."

"Only fifty years? How are we supposed to form an army strong enough to retake Ente Isla in fifty years? You forget that the humans in the other world have magic as well, and then there's the Church to contend with, and Heaven! Think," Chimei insisted, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen as she began to scribble.

Maou tried to look at what Chimei was writing, but she shielded it from Maou's eyes, drawing for a few more minutes before holding up a paper with several rough sketches. There were strategies, theories, and projected MgRonald's incomes, all of which was expanded upon further, and multiplied by twenty five years.

"Look at this, Maou," Chimei said, referring to the incomes she'd drawn up, "in fifty years, two incomes without any sort of raises will barely net us enough to buy a high end luxury vehicle, let alone a tank, or some other kind of advanced weaponry. And then, if you look here, I've made a chart to account for inflation, and another chart to measure how suspicious our co-workers would get if we didn't age! It's going to increase exponentially once we're in our five hundreds, and we don't look a day over twenty!"

Chimei flipped the paper, and there Maou saw a web chart, with Maou at the center, and surrounding him were the names of his co-workers, human associates, and even his landlady.

"Each and every one of these people is an obstacle in their own right, whether it be because you wouldn't be willing to sacrifice them, or because they are far more than they appear to be," Chimei continued, now digging into the entire triple chocolate cake with a fork as she spread crumbs all over the table.

"So that means we'd have to wait for the humans to die, and everyone else would either have to be destroyed or detained, assuming we'd amassed enough power to do either in fifty years. And finally-"

Chimei pointed to a very small graph that had been squeezed into the margins, and Maou could barely make out the words 'Odds of Defeat over a Period of Twenty Five Earth Years'. The poorly drawn graph, much to Maou's surprise, started out steadily enough, but eventually sloped upward in such a hard curve that it became vertical after almost ten years.

"Our chances of failure grow rapidly after a decade… face it, brother, this planet is a lost cause. Looking at all this, I'd almost say we should pack up and leave now."

"That's ridiculous," Maou said, shaking his head, "where did you even come up with the variables to do the math? Something tells me that your graphs and charts are just a ruse to get me to abandon this place so that you don't have to try and get that job."

"I'm the one who wanted the job in the first place," Chimei said, looking scandalized.

"A brilliant cover," Maou snickered, "but you can't fool me. You only offered to get a job as a kind gesture, in reality, you're as much of a NEET as Lucifer!"

"You take that back," Chimei hollered at her brother, the chocolate cake now completely gone.

There was a thumping on the wall that bordered Suzuno's room, and from behind it, they could hear the Inquisitor shouting.

"Quiet down, over there! People are trying to sleep!"

"You quiet down," Chimei shouted, going over and pounding on the wall in retaliation.

Suzuno must've recognized who it was, because she fell silent.

The Demon Queen resumed her seat, still fuming as her plan backfired. It seemed her stupid little brother was still familiar with her methods. Chimei smiled widely, looking terrifically evil as she leaned forward across the vanquished chocolate bar wrappers.

"Fine," she said finally, "I'll work with you. Let's get started on this 'etiquette training.'"

Maou smiled. At the very least, if his sister did something stupid while at work, he could simply get Kisaki to deal with her. It would be a showdown- no- a bloodbath, between two of the most stubborn, strong-willed women Maou knew.

He'd have to remember to bring some popcorn.

"Very well then," Maou said, taking out his own piece of paper, and snatching the pen from the table, "let's get started!"

* * *

 **Here's the second chapter in a challenge story thought up by misssexysmartypants, who has her own version of the story, except Maou has a brother instead of a sister! Go check it out!**

 **Anyway, here we see Maou and his sister, disagreeing (as siblings often do) and we also cover the Demon Queen's addiction to chocolate, Kisaki's badassness, and a variety of other topics. How will Maou handle the predicament he's in now?**

 **I honestly don't know.**


	3. The Taming of the Shrew

One week passed for Maou, and it was probably one of the longest weeks of his life, either human, or demon.

In four hundred years, he never would've guessed his sister to be such a pain. She lacked manners, and her personality was not one that was easily forgiving. And subtlety? Yeah, that was a no-go.

"So, you get a disgruntled customer, they return after you serve them, complaining about how they asked for no onion on their burger. What do you do," Maou posed, reading off of a flash card.

"Tell him to take the burger, wrap it up real nice, and shove it up his-"

"Wrong," Maou said, slamming his fist into the table, "wrong, wrong, wrong! Rule number one-"

"Be courteous," Chimei said, rolling her eyes.

"It's easier said than done," Emi said kindly. "I know I've dealt with some real nasty people when I'm at work, though it's easier to tell them to shut up over the phone. In person, it's probably not a great idea."

"Yes, thank you for your input," Maou muttered, shaking his head and looking stressed as he counted the minutes until he had to go to work.

That's how much of Maou's time was spent. Either he was training his sister while entertaining Emi and Suzuno, who were trying to gauge how much of a threat to society the Demon Queen posed, or he was busy at work, getting harassed by Kisaki as to the progress his sister had made.

"I'm not sure she's quite there," Maou sighed. "I may have to extend her training period… I'll know for sure by Friday."

Ashiya, the resident househusband, found himself as less of a caretaker of the house, and more of a personal butler for Chimei, who was rather childlike in her wants and demeanor. She loved chocolate, and she found technology quite fascinating, though she never bothered to use it herself. She never really left room 201, and when she did, it was only during brief forays to use the bathhouse, or occasionally to bother Suzuno, to whom Chimei had taken a liking.

"It's me again," Chimei said brightly one day after knocking on Crestia Bell's door. The blood to drained from Suzuno's face.

"Er, how can I help you, Demon Queen?"

"I've got chocolate!"

The more Suzuno spoke with Chimei, the more she became convinced that Chimei was not the Demon Queen. She may have radiated malevolent demon magic, but her conduct was more along the lines of a normal human woman, perhaps one that had been quite sheltered.

"So, you were a silencer for the Church? That sounds fun, tell me about that," Chimei bantered.

"I'd really rather not," Suzuno uttered weakly, feeling queasy as she watched the Demon Queen tear through her fridge in search of food.

Saturday came, and with it came Maou's realization of just how bad things had gotten at the Villa Rosa. Helena, the Demon Queen of Ente Isla, had proven herself a burden on Maou's checkbook, and his Generals, both of whom were tired of being trampled underfoot (both literally and figuratively) by the Demon Queen.

"Little brother, can you take me shopping," Chimei asked, "I could use a new pair of shoes!"

"I don't have the money for that," Maou growled, sitting at the table as he tried to plan out his finances.

He'd made a list of his monthly expenses, and he noticed a nearly ten thousand yen difference in his budget compared to last month's expense reports put together by Ashiya. Maou turned his crimson glare on his sister, who was playing with Urushihara's laptop.

She barely knew how to work the computer, but it didn't stop her from clicking all over and messing up Urushihara's neatly categorized desktop. The fallen angel sat across from Maou at the table, glancing at the Demon Queen every few seconds and throwing her nasty looks to rival Maou's angry glares.

"Well, how about some food? I'm hungry. Ashiya!"

The blonde Demon General stood at attention, though he looked seriously tired. The poor demon had been at the beck and call of Chimei for a week, and his sense of importance was slowly being flushed away, and replaced by his new butler-like attitude.

"You called," Ashiya asked tiredly.

"Can you find me something to eat," Chimei asked, "I'm hungry!"

"As you wish."

"Belay that order," Maou said suddenly, getting to his feet and glaring down at his sister, who look at Maou with glazed, lazy eyes.

"What's your deal," she asked, sounding annoyed.

"Chimei, I was glad to see you, but it's apparent to me that you don't want that job at MgRonalds. I'm gonna tell Kisaki that you're a good for nothing eyesore, and a layabout," Maou said imperiously, "furthermore, I want you out of my apartment! I may be your blood relative, but I won't take care of you anymore! Get out of my castle!"

"Make me," Chimei said.

"With pleasure!"

Maou rolled up his sleeves, smirking as he prepared to cast a spell. He'd been saving magic all week, siphoning it slowly in preparation for the moment he might need to force Chimei out of his apartment. It seemed that now was the time.

Maou threw his hands in a circle before letting them fall gracefully, gesturing at his sister. She waited for something to happen, and then-

CRACK!

A gate snapped open on the wall behind Chimei, pulling her steadily into it as she shrieked and hollered.

"I'm sorry," she cried, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Close the gate! Close it!"

"Sorry," Maou said, "but unless you can prove to me that you're bringing something to the table, you're expelled from the Demon Army!"

"I'll do the laundry," she offered, "I'll study the flash cards you made for me! I'll get a job!"

She sank her talons into the floor, but the force of the gate kept pulling her closer and closer to its rim as she pleaded with her brother.

"And what happens when you get paid," Maou asked over the howling magical vortex, "are you just gonna keep all your money?"

"I'll pay a third of the rent!"

"Only a third?"

"I'll pay half!"

"That's nice, and the utilities?"

"I'll pay half of those, too! Just close this godforsaken gate!"

"And you won't treat me as a slave," Ashiya chimed in.

"Deal," Chimei shouted.

"And you'll keep your talons away from my laptop," Urushihara asked.

"Fine! Now close this gate!"

With a snap of Maou's fingers, the gate closed just as Chimei's talons lost their grip. The Demon Queen tumbled, flying through the air before she hit the wall where the gate had been. With her head on the groud, her back against the wall, and her rump in the air, Chimei glared at her brother, who grinned satisfactorily.

"You suck," Chimei said, unshed tears building in her eyes as she pouted, righting herself and rubbing where her head had hit the wall.

"Yeah, yeah, but remember your promise, or else I'll open up a gate so far away from any civilized folk that you'll never have any chocolate ever again," Maou laughed.

"You're a monster," Chimei cried, still wiping tears from her eyes as she shouldered past Maou and made for the door.

"Thanks for the compliment," Maou grinned evilly.

Chimei slammed the door to room 201, and they heard her march over to 202 and pound on Suzuno's door. There was a confrontation, and moments later they heard the door of their neighboring apartment close.

"I think you've done the right thing, sire," Ashiya said, "her time in this world seems to have shifted her priorities away from the subjugation of mankind, and more towards luxury and laziness."

"That changes today," Maou said, "I told Kisaki that Chimei would need an extension, so that bought me a little time, but I want you guys to keep an eye on her. If she plans on staying here, she needs to reclaim the status of Demon Queen."

"Of course, m'lord."

The following week was hell and a half for Chimei, who found her typical orphaned middle schooler way of life turned on its head. Soon, she was studying her courtesy flash cards every night, and when she wasn't studying for her upcoming job, she was helping Ashiya to make the Demon Castle more livable, or taking lessons with Urushihara in the ways of the computer.

Maou returned home every night for a status report, only to find Chimei looking sulky as she tried to memorize necessary greetings and order taking skills.

Suzuno often joined Chimei in her job training, and even helped Ashiya to train Chimei in various household chores.

By the time the next weekend rolled around, Maou was stunned at the difference his sister's attitude had made. The house was calm and peaceful when he returned from work, and everyone seemed to be getting along fairly well. Even Emi, who had come to visit every couple of days, had grown on Chimei.

Maou arrived home that next Friday after an intense shift at work. Another of his co-workers had gotten sacked, and Kisaki was left scrambling to pick up the pieces, even resorting to helping in the kitchen herself, which put everyone on edge.

"I hope you're ready for your interview tomorrow," Maou said, taking a seat at the table with his sister and Emi, who was helping the Demon Queen with her flashcards.

"What do you say after a customer has received their food?"

"Thanks for your patronage, have a great day!"

Chimei's smile was large, and it seemed fairly genuine to Maou, who waited for his sister to respond.

"That's right," Emi said.

"Nice," Chimei whispered to herself, finally turning her attention to her little brother.

Since he had threatened to throw her out of his apartment, Chimei had come to dislike her little brother, even more so than usual. That said, she still found herself proud of the man he'd become. He may not have been the strongest of Demons, but he was certainly smart, and the fact that he'd had the Demon Queen in check was a good example of why he was King.

"And I'm more than ready for the interview… but I thought I already had the job."

"You do," Maou reassured her, "but you still have to submit to Kisaki's interview. She'll be able to zero in on any weakness, so be ready."

"She'll find no weaknesses from me," Chimei scoffed, her violet eyes glowing as she smiled.

Emi looked up from the flash cards she was shuffling.

"Remember, if you don't get the job with Maou, you can always come and work with me," Emi said.

"Wait-what?! What the hell is she talking about," Maou asked, taking the tea offered to him by Ashiya.

"Emi offered me a job at Docodemo," Chimei said happily, "she said she could probably get me in there with some help from Rika!"

"It pays way more than MgRonalds, too," Emi said, smirking at the Demon King, "almost twice as much, in fact."

Maou growled at the Hero, but Emi simply smiled at Chimei, who returned the smile even wider.

"Since when are you two such good friends," Maou asked, eyeing the girls up suspiciously.

"Well, ever since we both realized that we share a similarity," Emi answered simply.

"What similarity," Maou insisted.

"We both think you're an idiot," Chimei laughed, causing Emi to giggle as well.

Maou frowned at Ashiya, who smiled apologetically before setting his master's food down in front of him.

That night, Maou found sleep difficult to come by, and he was awoken in the middle of the night by a rogue breeze. He looked up to find the door to his balcony open, and floating down from the roof were two women's voices.

"-always been a little…"

"Thickheaded?"

"For lack of a better word, yeah."

Maou recognized the voices as Emi and Chimei. What on earth could they be discussing at such early hours of the morning? In order to hear them a little better, Maou crept from his sleeping bag and made for the opened door, careful not to make a sound as he went.

"You're not like that," Emi noted.

"I was always a bit more humble than my brother,"Chimei said, "though I admit that my temper can be a bit more-uh-violent than his."

'That's an understatement,' Maou thought, genuinely intrigued by the conversation. After all, it wasn't every day that a Hero sat down and spoke to a Demon Queen with civility and kindness.

"As odd as it sounds… you're actually a really cool person," Emi said, causing Chimei to blush a little.

"Well, you're not so bad yourself. Who knew that the Hero had such a good sense of fashion?"

The women giggled, and Maou crawled back into his sleeping bag as he heard two people slide off of the roof and land on the balcony. Insecurity gripped the Demon King, and a thought he'd never really had before then tugged at his mind. Could the Demon Queen be convinced to betray her brother? Could the Hero be turning her against him on purpose?

The thought kept Maou awake all night, and when Chimei woke in the morning, refreshed and ready for her interview, Maou was still staring at the ceiling, the gears in his head spinning endlessly as he tried to make sense of his unwarranted fears.

"C'mon, bro," Chimei kicked Maou gently, "we gotta get ready!"

After dressing, bathing and eating, Maou was ready to go. Chimei, as it turned out, had borrowed some of Emi's clothes, so as to make a good first impression with Kisaki. Maou, on the other hand, was fairly unhappy with how close his enemy and his sister had become.

"You look fine," Maou muttered, dragging the Demon Queen away from the mirror. "We have to go!"

Even the walk into work took longer, with Chimei occasionally becoming distracted by things that were shiny or pretty. What the Demon King didn't notice, however, was a strange shadow that followed him and his sister as they made their way towards the Hatagaya MgRonalds.

From alley to alley the shadow flickered, stalking its prey with impatience as it watched the Demon King and Queen.

"C'mon, Chimei, quit window gazing and let's-huh?"

Maou turned, thinking he saw something whip out of sight. Unless he was mistaken, there was a flash of red that had disappeared into the alley he'd just walked past.

"You alright, Maou?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine. Just thought I saw something."

They continued onward, unaware of the feral, dubious presence that was tailing them. The glint of red Maou had witnessed disappearing into the alleyway was the shirt of a MgRonalds Uniform, and this uniform belonged to a certain high-school girl by the name of Chiho Sasaki.

"Mr. Maou, what are you doing with that floozy," Chiho asked herself quietly, looking quite unhappy. With a determined expression, she peered around the corner and double checked that Maou had gone before following him, tracing the familiar route to MgRonalds.

Who was the woman with the Demon King? Why was he taking her to work with him? Chiho got the feeling that once her shift started, all would be revealed… for better, or for worse.

"Hey Kisaki! I brought in Chimei!"

"Send her in and get ready for your shift. If I'm not finished before a quarter to, start the pre-shift meeting without me," Kisaki replied.

"You've got this," Maou said, clapping his sister in the shoulder.

"Of course I do."

That didn't stop the butterflies in her gut, however. Holding her head high, the Demon Queen knocked on the door before opening it. She figured it was about as polite as was necessary.

"Come on in," Kisaki said, scribbling at some forms, "have a seat."

"Thanks," Chimei complied, taking the seat across from Kisaki's as she looked around the office. It was by no means grand or luxurious, but there was a certain homey charm about the place, with a few potted plants, knick-knacks, and assorted mementos. It was clear that Kisaki had been there for some time.

"Sorry, but I have to get these forms in, we just let someone go, and I'm only just now reporting it. Business has been picking up, and we're understaffed and underpaid," the manager explained.

"Oh, no problem, take your time," the Chimei replied. Being kind was never her strong suit, but when it came to flattery, particularly the kind that got you whatever you wanted, there was no one better than the Demon Queen.

Chiho crept into the back door of MgRonalds, looking around carefully. By her watch, the pre-shift meeting would just be starting, but somehow she'd lost the girl. She could hear Maou talking to the other team members, but when she'd peeked into the break room, she found that the woman Maou had been with was nowhere to be found… and where was Kisaki? Normally, she would be leading the meeting!

Chiho looked around, and she saw light from the hallway that lead to Kisaki's office.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained," Chiho muttered as she made her way towards Kisaki's office door.

"So, how is your relationship with Maou?"

"It's about what you'd expect," Chimei answered, frowning at the question, "we fight sometimes, but at the end of the day, we're sort of stuck in this together."

"I see."

Kisaki made a few notes before letting her notepad fall back into place, hiding her words from the demoness.

"And how are you with your hands? Maou said you can be clumsy at times."

"Oh, did he now?"

"No need to be defensive," Kisaki laughed, "we need the truth in order to figure out where to put you. I'm not sure if Maou told you this, but you've practically got the job. I can already tell you've worked to make yourself an ideal candidate. This alone shows you care enough to be a team member here."

"I've got the job?"

"For the most part, yes. There haven't been any red flags during this interview, anyway, and like I said, we're understaffed. I'd consider hiring almost anybody… but another Maou? That's a no-brainer, especially if you work as hard as Maaa does!"

Chiho listened intently at the door to Kisaki's office, her chin trembling. There was no doubt about it, the woman Maou had brought in was interviewing for a job! But why? And how did she know Maou?

"Well, I'm impressed. Normally, I'd ask if you have a shift preference, but for now, we'll start you on Maou's shift. Come in on Monday for orientation and outfitting, and we'll have you working on Wednesday!"

Chiho couldn't believe what she was hearing. She turned the knob and threw her shoulder against the door to the manager's office.

"I object," Chiho shouted.

"Wha-" Helena was stunned for a moment, but Kisaki raised an eyebrow.

"Chiho, is there something you need? And why aren't you in the pre-shift meeting?"

"Oh-well-I was…"

"Please report to Maou while I finish up this interview…"

"Oh, you're the new help, huh," Chiho asked kindly, figuring she should at least try to probe for information, "nice to meet you, you are?"

"Chimei Maou," the Demon Queen supplied, extending a hand, "nice to meet you."

"Ch-Chimei M-Maou," Chiho squeaked.

The truth seemed to hit the high schooler like a train. It ran through her mind, leaving her addled. Still, she could see a strange resemblance between Maou and this girl, who she'd presumed to be his girlfriend. Up close, it was more obvious, not to mention that other-worldly look in her eyes, like a strange, ethereal light…

"Sasaki," Kisaki said sternly, "you should get to the meeting."

"Right!"

Chiho was gone in a flash, but not before bowing repeatedly and apologizing over and over again. With a sigh, she slammed the door shut and ran off to the break, only to find everyone trailing out and onto the main floor of the restaurant. Holding open the door for the employees was Maou, who smiled and gave words of encouragement.

"Oh, hey, Chi, where were you? We missed you in the-"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD A SISTER?!"

"Wha-Oh, crap! I forgot, you still haven't met her yet, have you?"

"I did just now!"

"When?"

"Two minutes ago! I thought she was your girlfriend and I burst in on her interview with Kisaki!"

"Why?!"

"I don't knooooow!"

Chiho threw a weak punch at Maou, hitting him in the gut and causing him to double over in pain before she ran over to the bathrooms and sobbed violently.

"Now what's going on," Kisaki asked, Chimei trailing along behind her and looking proud of herself.

Maou smiled. He should've expected this: the situation was volatile at best, and degrading rapidly. Why shouldn't his co-worker have a pointless nervous breakdown under his supervision?

"Chiho seems upset that I never introduced her to Chimei," Maou grunted through the pain in his diaphragm. "Maybe she's got other issues, and should be given the day off."

"We're shorthanded as it is-" Kisaki began to say.

"I'll take up the slack," the Demon King mumbled, giving Kisaki two thumbs up. "Trust me, nothing will fall between the cracks!"

 **Geez, it's only been a few decades, right? Here's the third installment of this fanfiction. Little by little, I've begun to channel my inner introvert and use it to shape Chimei's character! Seems she's turned over a new leaf, thoughtm and I simply couldn't resist the chance to torture poor Chiho with the sudden appearance of some beautiful woman who seemed unusually close to the Demon King. I sense this can only end in disaster and hilarity!**


	4. A Deal with the Devil

It goes without saying that everything fell between the cracks for Maou on that fateful day. It was Friday, and multitudes of hungry customers flocked to the site of MgRonalds for a huge two for one combo deal. As such, it was a very long, tiresome shift before Maou finally managed to clock out and go home that night.

The good news his sister gave him did nothing to offset his throbbing headache as he sat down at the dinner table after work.

"I got the job, bro!" Chimei grinned, raising a fist in a glorious sign of victory.

"Great," Urushihara mumbled, "now you're both slaves to the system. Congratu-frikin-lations."

"Show some respect, you parasitic imbecile," Ashiya growled at the fallen angel before turning to Maou with a warm smile. "You're dinner, sire! Please, eat it all. You'll certainly need the energy."

"Ashiya, you're the man," Maou muttered absently, abandoning all pretense and digging into his food like a starving vagrant.

Chimei pouted at Maou, her fingernails clicking against the table. "Aren't you gonna congratulate me? I did as you asked."

"Getting the job is the easy part," Maou said through a mouthful of Ashiya's delectable cooking, "but good work, I guess. It's just been a really long day."

"M-my lord? I beg your pardon, but I think this is the first time I've ever heard you complain about work!" Ashiya looked flabbergasted at Maou's poor attitude. Even Urushihara raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Well, in all honesty, it was sort of a madhouse today," Maou said, laughing humorlessly, "first Chiho got upset because she thought Chimei might've been my girlfriend-"

"As if," Chimei sighed disgustedly. "Even if we weren't related, I'm way out of your league."

"-anyway," Maou continued, speaking over his sister, "she got sent home, and someone else was just fired yesterday. Kisaki had to go attend a meeting with corporate, so I was doing four jobs at once, and I didn't get to take any of my breaks… aside from what's on my plate now, I haven't had the chance to eat anything since before I left for work!"

"I'll make more right away!" Ashiya proclaimed, lighting a burner on the stove and drizzling oil into a skillet as he cooked with the fierce intensity of a demon slaving over the infernos of hell.

"So, did Kisaki say when you're supposed to start?" Maou asked his older sister.

"I'm going in for orientation and outfitting on Monday, but she said I'd be working by Wednesday."

'Thank goodness,' Maou thought, 'without her staying home and decimating my budget, things should start looking less dicey financially. Plus, she'll be paying half the rent! And utilities! And I won't have to work four positions at once!'

Maou dug into his food with renewed vigor, only to recoil when a hot skillet entered his field of vision. With no prompting, Ashiya tipped a small steak and more rice onto the Demon King's plate. Maou turned an ugly shade of whitish green before gulping down a large, painful bite and thumping his chest..

"What the- Ashiya! Where the hell did we get steak?!" he cried.

The househusband raised an eyebrow, clearly pleased by Maou's reaction. "I got it as a surprise dinner for Chimei's pending employment. They were on sale, and I managed to siphon a little money from my emergency funds. I thought that with two incomes… well, things might finally start looking up."

Maou stood, staring at Ashiya with a blank expression. The tension in the room was so palpable that the Hero's holy sword would have trouble cutting through it. Maou's face twitched, as did Ashiya's, and then…

"SIRE!"

"ALCIEL!"

The two demons embraced, tears running from their eyes and snot dribbling from their noses as they reminisced about their rough transition into the new world.

"W-we've come a long way, s-sire!" Ashiya bawled.

"I-I know, Alciel! B-but we have so much further to g-go!" Maou lamented.

"I'll be here, r-right by your s-side for every moment of it, my lord!"

"OH, ACLIEEEEEL!"

"OH, DEMON KIIIIIING!"

A knock on the door interrupted the demons' tearful comradery. Without waiting for a response, Suzuno threw open the door. Her hair was a mess, and her kimono and obi were wrinkled and slightly crooked. She glared at Maou with one eye that was so filled with spite she might've been trying to incinerate him on the spot.

"It's midnight!" Suzuno began hotly. "Could you dolts please… be… quieter?" Her question trailed off as she saw Maou and Ashiya, still tearful and sobbing as they knelt on the floor together, wrapped in a manly hug that would resound through the annals of testosterone history until the end of time.

Suzuno seemed at a loss for words. Chimei looked rather uncomfortable with the situation, instead choosing to eye up Maou's steak. The sound of a snap caught everyone's attention. Urushihara had closed his laptop and tucked it under one arm.

"Mind if I hang out in your apartment?" he plied Suzuno. "These two are being annoying."

"Why you-" Ashiya began.

With a sigh, Suzuno pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Yes, you may camp in my closet," she said, stunning everyone.

"Thanks," Urushihara made his way around the Demon King and his right hand General, making sure not to look at either of them.

"Uh, can I come with, too?" Chimei asked suddenly.

"Of course," Suzuno rolled her eyes, "why not?"

"Thanks!"

And Chimei followed after Urushihara, oblivious to Suzuno's sarcasm, and looking terrified at the idea of remaining in the same room with her brother and his househusband.

"Good night," Suzuno said pointedly, casting vicious glares at the vile demons before backing out and closing the door once more.

* * *

That night, Maou slept like a stone. His limbs were sore and achy, and his back was stiff from bending over a counter making food all day. Without Chimei in the room, snoring in his ear, or Urushihara in the closet, clicking away on his laptop, there was nothing to stop Maou from getting a fantastic night's sleep.

When he woke in the afternoon, he found that Chiho had texted him earlier that morning, requesting his permission to come over to apologize, and formally introduce herself to Chimei. Maou replied affirmatively before going over to the stove and setting up a pot of coffee. If the ruckus from over in the next apartment was anything to go by, he was going to need it.

With a fresh mug of liquid motivation in hand, Maou made his way out of his apartment and into the common space. He knocked on the door, and opened it without preamble, wincing as the shouting hurt his ears.

"Give it back! Give it back! Give it BAAAACK!" Urushihara cried, jumping up and down as he tried to wrest the laptop from Chimei, who stood taller than Urushihara, and held it high over her head.

"WOULD THE TWO OF YOU QUIET DOWN AND EAT THE BREAKFAST I MADE YOU?!" Suzuno screamed from her seat at the table, looking rather like a mother trying to shout her disobedient children into submission.

Chimei pouted, "I should be able to use the laptop! You've been hogging it ever since I came here, I get a turn! I need to unwind by playing chess, otherwise my day will be absolutely ruined!"

Maou froze, turning a bit blue in the face. The last thing he wanted to do during his time off was keep Chimei and Urushihara in line, but it seemed he had no choice.

"Demon King!" Suzuno shrieked suddenly, "do something! Now that they're well rested, there's no way to control these bloodthirsty heathens!"

Maou grinned, glad that he wasn't the only one who disapproved of the noisy NEETs. Nevertheless, it wasn't every day that clergywomen begged demons for aid. He would be a fool to not try and get something out of it.

"My, my, how the mighty have fallen," he smirked at Suzuno. "Begging for the Demon King's help should be a new low point for a proud woman of the Theocracy, wouldn't you agree?"

"Perhaps," the petite woman sighed, "but these two have been at it for hours. I got no sleep last night, whatsoever, and they ruined my favorite tea pot this morning! I want them gone from my sight!"

The Demon King took a sip of coffee and gave a low bow, "Your wish is my command… but you owe me a favor, Crestia Bell."

"Fine, fine," Suzuno waved a hand, not looking at all concerned. The Devil's eyes gleamed red as the bargain was struck.

"Excellent… in that case."

Maou snapped his fingers. The laptop vanished, reappearing in his hand. Chimei and Urushihara froze, their heads slowly turning as they finally noticed the person in the doorway.

"Ah, little brother! Perfect timing! Tell Urushihara that I get to use the computer, would you?" Chimei said.

Urushihara, who'd frozen while still on his tippy toes, fell forward. He threw out his arms, flapping like a bird for a moment before he face planted into something soft and pillowy. He thought hard. The last time he checked, women didn't walk around with pillows on their chests… so that meant that his face was currently planted firmly between the Demon Queen's….

"You… IDIOT!"

A sharp pain on the top of Urushihara's head drove him from the dark embrace of Chimei's chest as she punched him. He hit the floor, groaning as Chimei covered herself.

"Pervert," she said loudly, "sicko!"

"M-m-my goodness," Suzuno mumbled, covering her mouth with the sleeve of her kimono, her eyes wide and disbelieving.

"Enough," Maou growled, "all demons will return to the demon fortress at once!"

"But-"

"Little brother-"

"Silence! Retreat at once, or else you'll have to stay behind while Ashiya and I attend the picnic!"

Maou punctuated his grand proclamation by throwing out his arm, almost as if he were swatting away his cape. In his pajamas, with his bedhead and his coffee mug, it wasn't quite as impressive as it used to be, but his confidence and air of command was enough to get the job done.

Chimei raised a hand. "Can I still use the computer?"

"No! You will both be assisting Ashiya as he prepares for the picnic! Now leave this place at once!"

The troublemakers both slouched out of the room, looking quite downtrodden at the prospect of having to help with food preparation. Maou turned to grin wickedly at Suzuno, who looked utterly relieved now that they were gone.

"Now then, Bell, I'd like to call in that favor."

"Of course, but what's that about a picnic?"

Suddenly, the inquisitor's eyes were as cold and hard as steel. Nothing got past her, it seemed.

"Oh, that? It's a company picnic. I'm supposed to bring my family and friends, so I'm taking Ashiya, Chimei, and Urushihara. Chiho will be coming over as well, then we'll all be going to the picnic."

The clergywoman frowned, sure she had misheard.

"We will _all_ be going?" she asked.

"Yeah, that includes you. And I'm sure Emi will show up, too. She has an annoying habit of following me around. Just imagine how foolish she'll look when she shows up to a company picnic without any food!"

Maou seemed to be enveloped in demonic light as he spoke. Clearly, when it came to embarrassing Emilia the Hero, there were no lengths that he wouldn't go to, and that included sabotaging her attempts to stalk him.

Suzuno cleared her throat awkwardly, pulling the Demon King from his vile schemes. Clearly he wasn't thinking, as he had let slip crucial information to the inquisitor, who was technically his enemy… but she wasn't about to tell him that.

"But yeah, if you wanted to whip up some food, you're more than welcome to come along, and it'll make me look even better with my boss," Maou said, giving Suzuno a big thumbs up.

"Of course, Demon King. I owe you a favor after all."

Her soft tone, and the strange look in her eyes gave him pause, but Maou had no time to ponder it, as he heard a commotion rising from his own apartment.

"Thanks, Suzuno!"

And with that, the Devil dashed away, leaving Suzuno to chuckle evilly as she hatched a plan to bring shame to the Demon King in front of his coworkers and boss.

"This is where the pride of the Demon King is his downfall," she hissed, rubbing her hands together and raising an eyebrow.

* * *

 ** _Author's Notes:_**

 ** _DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! *evil intensifies*_**

 ** _Also, look everyone! This fic has risen from the dead! Hurraaaaaay! Did ya miss me? Wait, no, don't answer that._**

 ** _Straight to the point I typed this bad boy up some time ago, but due to my work schedule and some other projects, I sort of forgot. I found it again, polished it up real nice, and here it is, just for you! Yes, that's right, you! In any case, that's also why this chapter is a bit shorter, because after polishing it up I looked at the word count and just didn't feel the need to get more out of it. I must say, after so long it feels good to reprise these characters. Ever since my big project (Forgive and Forget) ended, I haven't had much of a chance to work with the gang, so it was a refreshing chance of pace. I still have no idea how I intend to end this story, but I suppose I'll just roll with it. Here's hoping its not another three hundred thousand word behemoth._**

 ** _If you've enjoyed this story, feel free to share it with other Hataraku Maou Sama fans! I try to stay true to the humor of the original material, so I hope it made you laugh, or even smile._**

 ** _*MUSIC!*_**

 ** _(This music has nothing to do with the story, I just listened to it as I edited, and I believe good music should be shared.)_**

 ** _Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea- Fall Out Boy_**

 ** _The Unforgiven III- Metallica_**

 ** _Too Many Dead-Josh A. & Jake Hill_**

 ** _Slow Dancing In the Dark- Joji (Papa Franku released a killer song!)_**

 ** _Like A Stone- Audioslave_**

 ** _Again-Timmies ft. Shiloh_**

 ** _Good reading my dudes, stay safe out there._**


	5. Picnics and Potato Salad

Emi stood in her apartment, her cellphone frozen against her ear as she listened to Suzuno's insane plan. Given that it was the weekend, Emi usually slept in for a few hours, but Suzuno had called her several times in a row, and showed no sign of relenting when she had finally deigned to answer.

"The Devil has set a trap for you," the Inquisitor had stated quickly, as though she were in some kind of danger.

Admittedly, this had given Emi a pretty good shock, she had sat up so fast that her vision turned dark and her head was muddled for a moment. A fire burned through her body, all the way down her limbs as her irrational fear almost made her summon Better Half.

"What's going on?" Emi asked, keeping her voice steady as she kicked away her blankets and rushed out of her bedroom.

By the time Emi had finished locking the door, it became clear that Suzuno's version of a trap was not quite as lethal as the word implied. Sure, the Devil was involved, but Emi also heard mention of a company picnic, a potato salad that was well beyond the ability of any human chef, and a scandalous affair between the Demon Queen and General Lucifer.

Emi stood in her living room, pacing around the coffee table as she came down from an explosive adrenaline rush. The coffee she chugged wouldn't help as far as her shaky hands, but her headache began to dissipate fairly quickly.

"Ok… so you have a plan to steal Maou's potato salad, which may or may not be infused with magic to make it taste amazing?"

"Yes, it is quite delicious," Suzuno admitted, "I am already craving more, and I only had the tiniest spoonful. I can only think it was enchanted by that vile demon, Alciel."

"Then what was that about Chimei and Lucifer?" Emi asked.

From the way Suzuno answered, she very well might have been blushing furiously.

"Well… they stayed in my apartment last night… and this morning they were both arguing over which of them got to use the Demon Fortress' laptop when suddenly…"

Suzuno recounted the moment when Lucifer collided with Chimei, and how indecent it was had looked. Emi breathed a sigh of relief, as the words 'Lucifer', 'Chimei', and 'affair' were enough to keep any Hero awake at night, for fear of having vivid night terrors about demon babies.

'I need to stop watching Soap Operas on TV,' Emi thought, 'they're beginning to affect my responsibilities as the Hero!'

"Emilia? Hello? Are you there?" Suzuno hissed.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about… stuff. Anyway, where do I fit into all of this?"

A sigh came over the phone, and Emi frowned, listening hard. Soap Operas or no, Emi would need all of the help she could get to thwart the Demon King's attempts to ensnare her in his web. After all, Emi and Suzuno were outnumbered two to one.

"The Demon King seems to think you will stalk him today," the clergywoman stated flatly, "and if you do, you will be exposed to humiliation the likes of which you cannot imagine."

Emi bit her lip. She had actually thought about getting up later that day and paying a visit to Maou, just so that he knew she was watching him. Had she really become predictable, or was it just a lucky guess on Maou's part? Either way, Emi would have to change things up in order to steer clear of this 'humiliation' Suzuno referred to.

"So how do I avoid it?" Emi asked, taking a seat on her couch.

"As it so happens, the Demon King has roped me into his plans, and I will be attending the picnic," Suzuno explained deviously, "as such, here it what you will need to do…."

* * *

'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet,' Ashiya recalled reading during his tenure at the library. The only problem was that in this instance, he would have to disagree.

When it came to potato salad, Ashiya may very well have created a masterpiece, to which no other potato salad could hold a candle.

Of course, all of his food tasted amazing. Ashiya was an excellent cook after two years of experimentation and trial and error, but his potato salad was on a completely different level. He had made all manner of foods so that everyone from Demon Fortress might bring a contribution to the picnic. Urushihara would be carrying a tray of muffins. Chimei would be bringing several large containers of homemade kenpi, which were candied sweet potatoes. Maou, as the strongest and most honored of the Demon Fortress, was tasked with hauling a crock pot to the picnic. It was loaded with chicken ramen, and would no doubt be the main course for many of the attendees.

The magnum opus, however, would be the potato salad. It would transported by none other than Ashiya himself, and would be considered his signature recipe. Yes, all of his food was delicious, but the potato salad was something else entirely, and aside from the Demon King (who was already tasked with carrying a large, heavy crock pot full of soup) Ashiya could trust no one else with its safe passage.

A knock at the door disturbed Ashiya's reverie, and he pulled himself away from the neatly packed potato salad to answer it.

"Hey, Ashiya!" Chiho beamed, stepping into the apartment as he bowed her inside.

She kicked off her shoes and set a several Tupperware boxes down next to Ashiya's potato salad. From within the containers, the blonde Demon General could see pretzels dipped in almond butter and chocolate, stacks of neatly made sandwiches of just about every variety, and a large, moist chocolate cake that was so large Ashiya had to do a double take.

"Hey guys," Chiho said brightly to Chimei and Urushihara. She sat down at the table with them, noting their sour expressions and listless attitudes.

"Hey," they replied lamely.

A monster rose behind the pair of them, with glowing red eyes and hateful intentions.

"KYA!" Maou struck at his sister and Urushihara, thwapping them both on the backs of their heads with a rolled up newspaper.

"Ow!"

"Hey!"

"You two can treat me with all the disdain you like, but you will both give Chiho your utmost respect! Without her, the Demon Army would have to be disbanded!" Maou declared.

Urushihara and Chimei both rubbed the backs of their heads, their eyes watering.

"Fine," Chimei muttered.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Urushihara sighed.

Under normal circumstances, Chiho might've been a bit put off by their poor manners and lack of enthusiasm, but she was already on cloud nine. She would be spending a warm, bright and beautiful day in the park, with Maou. Originally, she hadn't planned on attending the company picnic, but Maou had insisted.

"Come on you guys," she grinned at the unhappy demons, "this will be fun."

Urushihara saw Chiho's sunny smile and looked away bashfully. Somehow, just seeing her so optimistic and cheerful made him feel a little better. As a demon, it was probably one of the most terrifying experiences of his life. After all, what sort of demon was so easily swayed by high school girls?

"Geez, why are _you_ so happy?" Chimei asked, raising an eyebrow at the girl.

Chiho just tilted her head. "No reason. I just feel like it's gonna be a good day."

She grinned even more widely, and Chimei turned away as well, blinded by the highschooler's upbeat attitude.

"Oh, by the way, Ashiya, mom said that anything that doesn't get eaten at the picnic can come home with you guys," Chiho added, "she says there's enough sandwiches for everyone to have three, and there will still be plenty left afterward!"

The spoon Ashiya had been washing clanged to the floor, and before Chiho knew it, Ashiya had her in a bone crushing hug that lifted her off the ground. Tears soaked through her shirt as the Demon General was overwhelmed with emotion.

"YOU ARE TRULY MAGNIFICENT," he shouted, "SO KIND AND THOUGHTFUL AND CARING! WHEN THE DEMONS RULE THE WORLD, WE WILL RAISE YOU UP AS OUR DIETY AND SAVIOR! THE ENTIRE WORLD WILL KNOW OF YOUR BENEVOLENCE!"

"Gah-hrk-Ashi-ya… I can't…. breathe!"

Chiho choked and spluttered, her face red as Ashiya wailed ever louder. Maou appeared behind him as well, gripping the newspaper in a two handed fashion and swinging it like a broadsword, but it did no good. Ashiya's affections were not so easily deterred.

"Ashiya, you're gonna kill the poor girl if you don't tone it down," Urushihara said carelessly.

As Ashiya was distracted, the fallen angel had made for the counter, looking to sample some of Chiho's almond butter pretzels. The sound of something heavy hitting the floor was heard, and before Urushihara could pry the lid from the tupperware, he found that his wrists were both in an iron grip.

On one side, Maou glowered down at him, his eyes like gateways into a world of fire and ashes. On the other side, Ashiya peered at him with amber eyes that fixed on him like spotlights on a criminal.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" they hissed in unison.

"Getting some food," Urushihara shrugged, "I'm hungry."

"I'm ok, guys," Chiho said, standing from where she had been dropped on the floor, her eyes watering from the pain.

Maou's eyes twitched, but Urushihara showed no fear. If the Demon King were to strike him down, then there wouldn't be enough people to carry the food.

"Then maybe you should've eaten the breakfast Suzuno made for you instead of bickering with Chimei about the computer. In any case, now that Chiho is here, we can all start on our way to the park. It's a bit of a walk, but we'll still get there early if we leave now," Maou said.

"Apologies, my lord, but I must put the finishing touches on my masterpiece. Please take Urushihara and Chimei, and I will be along shortly," Ashiya said, turning his attention back to the large bowl of potato salad.

Maou frowned at the househusband, his mouth opened to speak when a knock at the door interrupted his train of thought.

"Demon King?" a muffled voice asked, "it is me, Suzuno. I have prepared an offering of friendship bread for this occasion, but we must leave now if we are going to make it in time."

To the inquisitor's surprise, Chiho answered the door, looking to be all smiles and sunshine. It was as though she hadn't just been unceremoniously dropped on the floor by her friends.

"Hey, Suzuno! Wow, your kimono looks so pretty today!"

"Thank you, dear Chiho. I figured that today is such a special day that I might as well dress for the occasion."

Everyone turned to look at Suzuno. She wore a silky violet kimono with an indigo obi, and large koi earrings studded with amethysts. The kimono was patterned with white flowers outlined in gold thread. In other words, she had completely overdressed for the occasion.

"This isn't some festival, it's a goddamned company picnic," Maou said, pointing accusatorily at Suzuno, "are you trying to embarrass me?!"

'Yes,' Suzuno thought, smiling to herself.

Urushihara looked on with feigned disinterest, but he couldn't completely hide the way his eyes were drawn to the clergywoman. A pain in his arm pulled his attention from Suzuno, and he noticed Chimei was elbowing him.

"See something you like, Lucifer?" she asked innocently.

"Shut up."

"-well I suppose it's too late for you to change," Maou was saying, "I guess we'll just have to go. Everyone, grab your dishes and let's march! Ashiya, we're all counting on you!"

"Understood, sir!"

The door to the apartment closed behind Maou, Suzuno, Urushihara, Chiho, and Chimei, leaving Ashiya in peace to perfect his creation.

* * *

As the group made their way to the park, they passed through several neighborhoods that were downright frightening. Maou, as a poor individual supporting himself and three others on a single salary, couldn't exactly afford to live in the nice part of town, which meant crossing through the rundown industrial parks to get to the residential area.

As they walked, Chiho tried to apologize for her mistake the day before, but Maou brushed it off.

"It's no big deal," Maou said, "I should've told you my sister was in town… I just had a lot on my plate, what with all the hours I've been taking to try and support everyone."

They passed through a narrow alley between two large brick buildings. It was dark and smelled of something acrid, like burning garbage, but through the alleyway houses and apartments could be seen.

"We're almost there," Maou noted, "c'mon everyone! Hold up, where's Suzuno?"

"Right here," she said, stepping out from the shadows of the alleyway, "let us be off. This smell will ruin people's appetites if it clings to our clothes."

"What were you doing back there?" the Demon King asked.

"Nothing," Suzuno mumbled, "I… I just stepped in something and had to get it off my sandal."

Maou peered into the oppressive darkness before shrugging and following after Suzuno, taking up the rear guard as they emerged into the sunlit streets of the residential zone.

A smile pulled at the corner of the inquisitor's lips. The celestial force she'd left in the alley would serve as the signal. Emi would be on the scene shortly.

* * *

Ten short minutes later, Ashiya made his way through that very same alleyway, hugging the enormous bowl full of carefully crafted potato salad to his chest. His nose wrinkled as he detected the fetid scent of burning trash, and his steps quickened. It would not do for him to be late to the picnic.

A light at the end of the alleyway blinded Ashiya, and he held up a hand to protect his eyes. He could see a line of houses, and in the distance, apartment buildings. The park was so close he could practically hear the elated cries of people waiting to taste his fabulously luscious food. He steeled his heart and walked with large purposeful strides, only to freeze where he stood.

A shadow crossed the alley's entrance, blotting out the light of the sun. There, on the sidewalk, barring the passage of Alciel, was none other than Emilia the Hero.

"Emilia? Don't tell me you were invited to the picnic!" Ashiya scoffed.

The Hero's face was an expressionless mask. She wore a white blouse emblazoned with a popular j-pop group's logo, and a yellow cardigan with the sleeves rolled back. Her skirt was white with pink flower patterns. All in all, she looked prepared for a day at the park… but why on Earth would Emi attend a picnic with the Devil?

"Clear the way, Emilia," Ashiya said suddenly, resuming his pace, "I have a hungry king that needs nourishment!"

"Not so fast, Alciel!"

The Hero held out a hand, and the Evolving Holy Sword, Better Half, appearing in her palm. She slashed the air, and energy arced from the blade, sending a shockwave of power down the alleyway. It passed by Ashiya, who frowned a little more deeply.

It was a dire situation. He couldn't set down his magnificent potato salad in a dark, dirty alleyway, but he couldn't fight the Hero with his hands full. It was clear that she had no intentions of letting him go by… but why would she target him all of the sudden?

"I'll make this easy for you, Demon General Alciel," Emi grinned, "either you give me that potato salad… or you forfeit your life."

Sweat beaded Ashiya's brow. In his current condition, a fight with the Hero would be suicide… on the other hand, his pride as a demon would not allow him to relinquish his cherished potato salad so easily.

"It's understandable that you would desire my cooking, and it flatters me that you would kill to get your hands on it. However…."

Ashiya took a broad stance, bending at the knee, and tucking the bowl of potato salad into the crook of his arm. He raised his free hand and it glimmered with emerald light.

"…if I were to fail his majesty in his time of need, I could not call myself his most loyal general. You'll have to kill me for this potato salad!"

"As you wish," Emi uttered coldly.

She raised her sword and levelled it at Ashiya. At the same time, he lowered his arm at the Hero. As one, they kicked off from the pavement, driving towards each other with speed that would have boggled any normal human.

* * *

Maou sneezed.

Fortunately, he'd managed to set down the crock pot full of fancy ramen, otherwise he might have dropped it. Still, the tickling in his sinuses persisted. It was almost as if someone were thinking hard about him at that very moment.

The picnic, as it turned out, was off to a good start. The Hatagaya MgRonalds, while normally understaffed, was still a part of a large chain, and the event was shared with a plethora of other MgRonalds restaurants.

Not only that, but when one counted all the family members that many of the younger employees had brought, it was no wonder there were so many attendees.

All of the dishes Ashiya had prepared were placed on long tables. The crock pot was plugged into an electrical cord running from the park shelter. The sun beat down heavily, and the children played happily on the swing sets and structures, which were stylized like that medieval castles, replete with cheesy painted on figures of princes, princesses, and a large, smiling dragon.

The Demon King couldn't help but smile to himself. Dragons were not nearly as fun loving as that painting made them out to be. He'd had dealing with them on rare occasions, and usually not by choice.

"Wow, good turnout," Chiho said quietly, pursing her lips as she scanned the crowd for familiar faces.

"Can I eat now?" Urushihara groaned, crossing his arms and looking hungrily at the buffet.

"Grab a plate and help yourself, but remember who you represent," Maou sighed, waving off the Demon General.

Without meaning too, the Demon King crossed his arms as well. A cloud fell over the sun, and he suddenly felt a mysterious chill in the air. For such a warm, sunny day, such an abrupt change seemed out of season.

The cloud passed, as did the ominous chill Maou had felt. Suzuno watched the Demon King carefully, noting his disconcerted expression with delight. If her senses were correct, Emilia had engaged the Demon General Alciel in a fierce battle for control of the potato salad. It wouldn't be long before Suzuno's diabolical plan came into effect.

Earlier that morning, after Maou had taken care of Urushihara and Chimei, Suzuno had come up with a simple plan to humiliate the Devil. Little did Maou know it, but Suzuno had called his place of work, confirming the details of the picnic (to ensure it was genuine, and not a trick) and stumbled across an interesting factoid. The picnic would have a variety of games, door prizes, and at the end of it all, a drawing to determine the best cook in all of MgRonalds. Any food was eligible, and any employee, or their friends or family, could enter the contest. All they had to do was make a dish and show up to be entered to win the fifty thousand yen.

Alciel, as a demon and a cook, would be impossible to beat. Willingly or not, demonic magic soaked into his cooking, and to most, it would ensnare the senses. The only way to beat him would be with a similarly talented chef of equitable holy power. Suzuno, while no slouch in the kitchen, could not boast such a store of magical energy, and Emilia, while endowed with angelic might via her mother, wasn't necessarily the best cook.

So instead, they decided to steal Ashiya's potato salad. Emi would enter the contest and win that fifty thousand yen. And at the end of it all, she would have the Demon King to thank for her victory, as she would technically be attending at his behest.

'If it weren't for his naivety and foolhardiness, we never would have been able to pull off such a ruse,' Suzuno thought privately.

A hand on her shoulder startled her, making her jump as she found herself face to face with Maou.

"GWAAAAH! D-Demon King! You scared me half to death!"

"Yeah, sorry. Have you seen Ashiya? He should've been here by now…"

Maou glanced about worriedly, still scanning the crowd for a familiar set of blonde bangs. Suzuno bit the inside of her cheek to steady herself and shook her head.

"Haven't seen him," she said.

"Well, holler if you do. Oh, and would you mind taking Urushihara over there by the bean bag game? If he doesn't stay occupied, he's gonna end up saying something stupid to someone important."

"W- what-"

"Thanks, Bell, I owe you one!"

With that, the Demon King elbowed his way through a crowd of people, leaving Suzuno to stand amidst strangers, feeling awfully out of place in her fancy kimono. People seemed to give her strange looks, but they said nothing to her face as she began her search for Urushihara.

* * *

Chimei the Demon Queen had never been fond of social gatherings. She loved buffets full of delicious food, fancy outfits and expensive jewelry, but she liked all of these things the most when enjoyed in the privacy of her wing of the Devil's Castle in Ente Isla. Having to share food and interact with humans seemed… well, a little degrading, but she pushed those thoughts aside. If she couldn't stomach her annoying little brother and his ridiculous rules, then she would have to find a different way to sustain herself. Not only that, but the prospect of being separated from her allies in a world full of people she didn't know was terrifying.

The same went for picnics with dozens of attendees.

She coyly made her way through throngs of people enjoying the sun. Children ran past her as they played. A few cute guys seemed to stare at her as she passed, but she simply smirked and ignored their wandering eyes. Humans were so pathetic, sometimes.

"Ah, Chimei! Good to see you here! I take it your brother is sulking around somewhere as well?"

Mayumi Kisaki appeared from behind Chimei as she perused dessert options. Kisaki was dressed in shorts and a tank top. Sweat coated her skin, and her limbs were caked with sand. Large red patches graced her cheeks from standing in the sun.

"What happened to you?" Chimei raised an eyebrow.

"I just got done with another game of volleyball," Kisaki said, pulling a bottle of water from a cooler filled with ice, "do you play?"

"Uh, no… I'm not really into the whole 'getting dirty' thing."

"Aw, c'mon! We're playing against corporate next and we could use another player! Shunsui just went and quit on us."

Chimei nodded along, though she had no clue what volleyball was, nor any idea as to how it was played.

"Why'd he quit?"

Kisaki flipped her ponytail over her shoulder, as she often did when agitated and replied, "I guess he strained his wrist… I think it's just his excuse for quitting before we go up against corporate."

"What a bastard," Chimei empathized, still having absolutely no idea who or what Kisaki was talking about.

"Tell you what, come play for a set, see if you like it. It'll give you a chance to bond with your new coworkers!"

The Demon Queen Helena surveyed the scene. Kisaki was looking at her with large puppy dog eyes. Urushihara was being led by the hand to the bean bag toss game by Suzuno. Maou and Ashiya were nowhere in sight…

"Alright," Chimei said finally, "but I have no clue how to play."

"I'll explain the important stuff on the way there," Kisaki laughed, throwing an arm around Chimei's shoulders and leading her away from the eating area.

* * *

The Demon King blanched as his arch nemesis appeared before him. Ordinarily, it was little more than a minor irritant for him to deal with Emi, like a fly bothering a majestic lion. Now, however, his gut was filled with icy dread as he noticed the all too familiar bowl in her hands.

"Is that-"

"Potato salad," Emi grinned evilly, "would you like some, Sadao?"

"What have you done with Ashiya?!" Maou cried, ignoring the scandalized looks of his coworkers all around him.

"Here, sire."

A tall, blonde man gingerly made his way forward. Ashiya was hard to recognize, as his cheeks were swollen, and one of his eyes was black. A large knot was forming on the top of his head. Otherwise, he looked quite unharmed, albeit a bit downtrodden.

"You dastardly Hero," Maou hissed through gritted teeth.

"You let your guard down," she said simply, tossing her hair over her shoulder, "and now, I am going to win that fifty thousand yen prize, and it's all thanks to you, Maou!"

She laughed, sounding eerily reminiscent of a cliché villain as she made for the table and registered Ashiya's potato salad as her own. The Demon King pushed back his sleeves and made to go after her when a gentle yet firm hand grasped his shoulder.

"Let her have this victory," Ashiya said, "we mustn't spoil such a pleasant picnic with undue hostility."

"Ashiya, she gave you a black eye!"

"But I'm still alive," Ashiya pointed out, "let it be, my lord. One way or another, karma will work itself out."

"I don't believe in karma," Maou seethed. "But if you truly wish me to stay my hand… then I will honor your wishes."

"Just wait, sire. You'll see what I'm talking about soon enough."

Ashiya gave Maou a kind smile before heading to the buffet table and loading up two plates with food. Of course, he made sure to dish plenty of potato salad.

"Your lunch, sire," Ashiya handed his king a plate.

For a moment, Maou could do little more than stare at his plate, then a devious smile lit up his features.

"Ashiya, you crafty devil," he said, "the more of your potato salad we eat, the less there will be for everyone else! No one will vote for a food they haven't tasted!"

"That really wasn't my intention, but you aren't wrong," the blonde demon general sighed.

They took a seat at a vacant park bench, enjoying the chirping of birds and the sounds of laughter all around them. In Tokyo, where things never seemed to slow down, such a change of pace from the normal humdrum of day to day activities was a blessing all its own. Sitting on the bench, the Demon King felt something within him recharging, It wasn't his magic, but it was something else, as though his tolerance for the world was slowly being replenished. A smile came to his face as she slowly chewed mouthfuls of Ashiya's delicious potato salad.

As he ate, a few of his co-workers came by with their friends and family. They introduced Maou, who nodded to each of them politely.

"-easily the hardest worker-"

"-he's Kisaki's right hand-"

"-Maou is the guy I was telling you about-"

"-he the best at… well, everything."

The Demon Lord blushed from the honest praise of his co-workers. Even if he looked and functioned as a human, his prowess and ambition set him miles ahead of his human cohorts. As a result, it was no wonder they looked up to him as they did.

After they had gone, Ashiya caught Maou's eye and smirked, "It would seem you're quite popular today."

"It's so embarrassing," Maou shook his head, "you'd think I was some sort of superhero to these guys."

"But it's not surprising," Ashiya reasoned, spearing his potato salad with a plastic fork, "back when you were still trying to unify the demon world, many of our kind spoke highly of you. Your raw power is but a facet of the gem in your crown. Your true power lies in the effort you put into your objectives, no matter what they may be."

The shriek of a microphone rent the silence for a moment. Everyone paused, turning to look in the direction of a freshly raised podium by the buffet table. A red faced MgRonalds employee turned the microphone back on and briefly apologized for the disturbance.

"Ahem… Ladies and gentleman of the eleventh annual MgRonalds company picnic, the vote for best dish will be tallied up and drawn in forty five minutes. If you haven't voted, please find your way to the buffet table and cast your vote. Also, if anyone is missing the keys to a recent model Toyota, please report to the podium to claim them. Thanks!"

"Umm… Maou?"

A prod to his ribs made Maou flinch. He turned in his seat to find Chiho behind him. She looked out of breath, as though she'd hurried to find him.

"Geez, Chi, you scared me half to death… what's up?"

"Uh… well, it's your sister."

"Wha- Chimei? Now what'd she do?"

"She's currently playing volleyball… with Kisaki…"

Maou frowned. Chimei learning to play nicely with humans was unprecedented, to say the least. But why on earth was Chiho sweating so profusely?

"She's… um… well…"

The high school girl twiddled her thumbs, not meeting Maou's eyes, which were so intensely crimson that she almost felt as though she were staring into the midday sun.

Her stunted explanation was cut short by an explosion coming from the volley ball pit, followed by the callous cackling of a young woman.

"HAHAHAAAAA! Cower before us, corporate pigs! None can stand before the might of the Hatagaya MgRonalds!"

The scent of fear was strong in the air, to the point where Maou felt his strength being replenished. Looking in the direction of the volleyball pit, he saw Kisaki and Chimei, along with a few other rundown Hatagaya MgRonalds employees. On the other side of the net, quaking in fear was the MgRonalds corporate team.

They seemed to be made up of young up and comers, probably a few years older than Kisaki. Seeing as they sat at a desk all day, one would think them to be pushovers, but they usually took victory in the volleyball tournament every year.

Now, however, they were cowering before Chimei's awesome might, which left craters in the sand every time she spiked the ball. Her eyes were glowing a curious shade of violet as she laughed and jeered. Kisaki looked just as bloodthirsty, though Maou felt no magic coming from her.

"Be back in a sec!" Maou said, bolting out of his seat so fast that Chiho felt the air from his take off tussle her hair.

Ashiya watched quietly as Chiho looked at the ground, grinding her heel into the grass. She seemed troubled by something beyond the Demon General's grasp. With a big smile, he offered her the only thing that might staunch her worries for a moment.

"Would you like some potato salad?" he asked.

* * *

 ** _Author's Notes:_**

 ** _If I had a dollar for every time I wrote 'potato salad' in this chapter, I'd have a lot of freakin dollars. This is why I don't try to write comedy. In any case, I rate this chapter a potato salad/10. Could use some more funny._**

 ** _Oh, and happy belated thanksgiving, for those of you who celebrate it. I believe this is the longest chapter of this fic, thus far. I just kept on writing until I finally got to a point where I felt I could wrap up the chapter and suddenly I had 5200 words. Sorry I haven't updated for like thirty years. I've been incredibly busy with... everything._**

 ** _ ** _ ** _I'm hoping to wrap this fic up soon, but we'll see what happens._**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _*music I listened to while writing this that really doesn't have anything to do with the context of the chapter*_**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _Cautionary Tales- Jon Bellion_**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _Lonely Dance- Set It Off_**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _So Pissed- Bohnes_**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _Movement- Hozier_**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _Bloody Nose- Hollywood Undead._**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _Like I Need U- Keshi_**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _(god damn everyone is putting out new music I can't keep up)_**_**_**

 ** _ ** _ ** _Thanks for reading!_**_**_**


	6. The Devil Saves the Day

Maou had only made it to the sand pit just in time to see someone from corporate spike the volleyball as hard as they could towards one of his coworkers. He was a pretty scrawny young man with close cropped black hair and glasses that had been taped together numerous times.

If Maou's memory was anything to go by, he was a new hire by the name of Hiroto, and not particularly skilled with his hands. He'd dropped so many platters of food that they had a difficult time finding work for him that didn't involve cleaning the equipment. It didn't really come as a shock then, when the volleyball hit him square on the nose and knocked him into the sand. His glasses came apart in the middle, and blood ran from his nostrils. It didn't seem his nose was broken, but it was swollen and red as he made a dash for the restrooms.

"MAAA!" Kisaki shouted, looking positively livid, "get over here! We need another player."

Maou took one look at the guy from corporate who had spiked the ball into his coworkers face, noting how he didn't look particularly sorry for his actions. He just dusted off his hands and flexed his chiseled abs. The women of the park all around them seemed to forget that he'd just caused harm to someone, and the referee took no notice of the incident.

' _What a jerk_ ,' Maou thought to himself.

"MAAA!"

"I'm in, Ms. Kisaki!" Maou said. "Just let me talk strategy with my sister…"

The Devil went up to his sister, who was scowling quite pointedly at the jerk from corporate. She looked lost, as if she couldn't decide if she wanted to rip him a new one, or rip off his shorts and have her way with him.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Maou hissed.

Chimei turned to her brother, and her face fell in an instant. "I'm playing volleyball!"

"Well, you just caused that guy to hurt someone! He only spiked it so hard because you don't seem to know how to hold back!"

"But they had it coming," Chimei said simply. "They've been acting like pompous, arrogant-"

"That's how humans act," Maou cut her off. "They're especially arrogant when they acquire status and assets!"

Chimei grinned wickedly, and her eyes gleamed violet in the bright sunshine. "Then what say you to bringing them down a level or two?"

As vehemently as Maou wanted to reject her proposal, and scold his sister, he remembered the look of pain and humiliation on the face of his coworker from before. Hiroto had trained studiously under Maou for some time, hoping against hope that he might glean some wisdom from the Demon Lord turned full time MgRonalds worker. His mistakes had gotten him fiercely reprimanded by Kisaki, but Maou respected the guy's tenacious work ethic. He came in on time, worked as hard as he could, and tried his best to learn the ropes. That was more than he could say for some of his other coworkers.

"We'll win this game," Maou decided, looking each of his opponents in the eyes. "But you need to follow my lead. Remember that we have to appear human, and we can't use magic to win."

"Maaa, let's go," Kisaki called. "Your serve!"

The Demon Lord caught the ball, and gripped it tightly in both hands. He tossed it upward with practiced movements, and then sank his palm into the side of the ball with a satisfying _crack._

* * *

Meanwhile, Emi and Suzuno were cautiously approaching each other under the pretense of scanning the tables for food. When they met in the middle, the two women put their heads together.

"You've registered the potato salad as your own?" Suzuno asked.

Emi nodded in earnest. "Yes. Everything is going according to plan."

"Good, good." Crestia Bell grinned, tapping the tips of her fingers together. "The Devil and the Demon Queen are both too preoccupied with the volleyball game to interfere with the tallying of the votes. People are flocking to the potato salad in droves. Poor Alciel can do little more than sit on his bench and stew in his own defeat!"

Emi and Suzuno turned to look at the Demon General, who was actually looking quite contented with sitting on the park bench and eating. He laughed with Chiho, and they sampled food from each other's plates, smiling and talking in a carefree manner. When Alciel felt the eyes of the Hero and the Inquisitor upon him, he smiled and raised his cup of lemonade in a toast to them. The smile on his face was curiously strained, as if he were trying to keep from laughing.

Emi felt a knot in her gut and she realized that something about the situation was very wrong, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She had only managed to convince herself that it was nothing when she heard Suzuno gasp.

"Wait a second," the woman in the kimono muttered, "where is Urushihara?"

"Hey guys," the fallen angel said, appearing out of thin air and startling them, "when you lean in together like that, you look like you're plotting. Just thought I'd let you know it's a dead giveaway, and there are kids here, too. So maybe try not to look so creepy."

"Uh-but-we weren't-" Suzuno stammered as Urushihara took her hand.

"C'mon," the NEET said, "it's your turn to toss beanbags. Our team is getting our asses kicked."

And with that, Emi was left alone amidst a crowd of people she didn't know. Whenever someone approached her, she had no choice but to tell them that she was a friend of Maou's, for fear of getting thrown out of the picnic. What was even more disturbing was the fact that many of the people who knew Maou had nothing to say but good things. All the Hero could do was smile and nod, trying and failing to figure out how Maou had garnered such a sterling reputation amongst the humans.

* * *

The game was long and hard fought. Sand coated Maou's arms and legs, and he was pretty sure his neck and face were sunburnt. Even as winded as he felt, he was certain that the other team was far more haggard.

All of the corporate players were caked in sand. Sweat coated their limbs, and they panted heavily. One guy even had a small cut on his face from having to dive in an attempt to stop the volleyball from going out of bounds.

It all came down to this, however. Overtime. One more play would decide the fate of the game. Fortunately, Maou knew that no matter what happened, he could hold his head up high at the end of the day with his coworkers, all of whom had played their hardest, and given their all.

Even Kisaki, who normally never got dirty, was getting into it. Her tight bun had come loose, and she swept the loose strands of hair out of her face in exasperation. Her face was red, and she looked like she needed a drink of water soon, but she ignored this.

"One more play," she mumbled to her subordinates, whom had crowded around her for a last minute strategy meeting. "Win or lose, I'm proud of each and every one of you. We hit hard, we hit fast, and we show no mercy. We don't need to pay off referees to win. We'll play a fair, clean game, and we'll go home tonight knowing we did our best."

There was a murmur of general assent. Kisaki put her hand in. "Hatagaya MgRonalds on three."

Maou put his hand on top of Kisaki's. Chimei put her hand on top of Maou's. The rest of the team stacked on as well.

"One, two, three, HATAGAYA MGRONALDS!"

The huddle broke, and the team took up their positions.

Maou and Chimei, as the hardest hitters, took the center. Kisaki took the back, so as to better coordinate her force. And then, corporate served the ball.

It soared high over the net. Maou craned his neck and shielded his eyes from the sun, trying to find the ball.

"I've got it," Chimei said, narrowing her eyes at the shadow that fell from the sun. "Bump!"

She caught the ball against her wrists.

"Set!" Kisaki called, watching as someone pushed the ball towards the net. "Maou, do it!"

The Demon King raced forward, his feet burning as he sprinted across the hot sand. He kicked off hard, one hand raised to strike. Every muscle in his arm was tense, and the blood ran hot in his veins, like he'd been injected with magma.

The chiseled corporate player jumped as well. Being one of their best players, he was the star of the game, and decided that this was his opportunity go head to head with the guy who had turned the tables for the Hatagaya MgRonalds Team.

"GRAAAAAAAGH!" Maou roared.

"HYAAAAAAAAARRGH!" the shirtless guy bellowed.

Maou spiked the ball. The man on the other side of the net put his hands right where he thought the ball would be going. They slowly enclosed around it… only to miss by a hair's breadth. The ball slipped through his sweaty palms, bounced off the top of his head, and fell into the sand behind him.

A cheer rose from the Hatagaya Station MgRonalds team, and Maou felt himself lifted off his feet by his coworkers, who, for the first time ever, had managed to beat corporate.

"We did it!" Chiho cheered from the bench. She gripped Ashiya by his collar and shook the Demon General. "Maou did it! Did you see it? Did you see that spike?!"

Emi growled at the bitter realization that her plan to embarrass the Demon King was not working. Suzuno's outfit, as it just so happened, only managed to embarrass the clergywoman. Ashiya's potato salad, which had been stolen, was clearly the people's favorite. Ashiya glanced over every now and again, but far from looking angry, he looked quite pleased, as if the sight of so many people enjoying his cooking made him happy.

"Ladies and gentleman of the eleventh annual company picnic, the results are in!" cried a commentator. "The winner of this year's 'Fun in the Sun' Volleyball Tournament is none other than the Hatagaya Station MgRonalds!"

"Yeah!" The people carrying Maou cheered even louder. They were all red in the face, and covered in sweat and sand (and in one case, blood) but they were quite ecstatic.

"And, in an interesting turn of events, the winner of this year's 'So You Think You Can Cook' buffet championship sweepstakes is none other than the good friend of another Hatagaya MgRonald's employee! Emi Yusa and Sadao Maou, please make your way to the stage to claim your prize!"

The sun was beginning to sink in the sky, painting the park with bright orange lights and long shadows. Crestia Bell, the Death Scythe, sidled up to Ashiya.

"The moment has come for our victory," she told the Demon General. "This is where good triumphs over evil."

"I would disagree with that notion," Ashiya said, clasping his hands behind his back as he watched his liege lord and the Hero take to the stage. "I think that this is the moment where good and evil come to terms with each other's existence."

"Such childish ideals are laughable. This is war," Suzuno said.

"Against whom? A Demon Lord who won a volleyball tournament? A Demon Queen who decided to teach a lesson to an arrogant human?" Alciel scoffed. "Face it, Bell, this day was nothing more than a fabulous waste of time. And, unless I'm much mistaken, I'd say it was a victory for the Demon Army."

"But Emilia has won the grand prize, and it's all thanks to the Devil."

"Ah, true, but I feel like you may have overestimated the value of the prize. In the end, you beat up an innocent demon and stole his potato salad. You wore a gaudy ensemble and only managed to embarrass yourself. And the Hero won a prize, thanks to her archenemy."

"I had fun," Chiho added, unhappy with all the bickering.

"Yeah, this was an ok way to spend a day," Lucifer offered.

Up at the podium, Maou and Emi were forced to take a picture together. Maou was sweaty and dirty, and he smelled like body odor and hard labor. Emi tried her best to lean away from him, but the photographer kept beckoning her closer to him. When that was done, Maou and Emi were forced to shake hands for the newsletter that would be coming out next month.

"And now, we award this fifty thousand yen voucher, approximately one year's worth of free meals at MgRonalds, to Emi Yusa and Sadao Maou! Congratulations you two!"

"Wha- you mean we have to share it?!" Emi asked. "And it's not even a cash prize?!"

"No, it's just a voucher for free food," Maou told the Hero. "Wait, didn't you know that?"

Emi kicked at the stage. "I thought it was a cash prize. I was gonna buy a new bag."

Maou laughed heartily, and Emi turned pink in the face as the Devil grabbed his belly and roared with laughter.

"Tell you what, seeing as I have more mouths to feed, I'll split it with you seventy five, twenty five."

"You can have it," Emi grumbled. "I don't want free MgRonalds for a year."

"Really?! Wow, thanks Emi! I tell you what, I'll even let you off for beating up Ashiya earlier. You're not such a bad person after all!"

"I hate you," the Hero mumbled quietly as Maou threw an arm over her shoulder and made a peace sign for a photo.

In the crowd, Kisaki cheered as hard as she could. For some strange reason, she felt cold, even in the bright sunlight. Shivers ran the length of her spine. Her lips were dry, and her tongue was thick. Her vision swam, and then, before she knew it, she was on the ground.

Maou was the first person to notice her fall. "Wha- Ms. Kisaki!"

The Devil dove into the crowd. Screams rose, and within seconds, the festivities dissolved into complete and utter chaos.

* * *

Kisaki woke several hours later in a hospital bed.

When she sat up, she noticed that every single one of her employees were there, gathered around her bed, along with several others from the picnic. Some looked worried. Others just seemed tired. The one who stood out the most, however, was Maou.

With a straight face, he recounted how Kisaki had collapsed. It turned out that she was extremely dehydrated, and that, coupled with the stress of her job, and the excitement of winning, had caused her to suffer from heat stroke. She was rushed to the hospital, pumped with vitamin enriched fluids, and cleared of any serious injuries.

"It was all thanks to Maou," Emi told the MgRonalds manager.

The Hero recounted how Maou had jumped into action, performing a quick diagnosis, clearing the area, and immediately taking Kisaki to an air conditioned area nearby. Chiho had followed his lead and dialed emergency services.

Kisaki couldn't help but smile. All day, Maou had been a rockstar. This was just further proof of how much he truly cared about his coworkers.

"I think I definitely owe you a raise after this," the manager joked.

After being assured that Kisaki would be alright, Maou decided to take his leave. Chiho, Alciel, Suzuno and Emi all followed after him. They left Kisaki's room only to find that Chimei was talking to the guy that had spiked a ball into Hiroto's face. Maou came to a stop next to his sister just in time to hear the man ask her out.

"Sorry," Chimei smirked, "but I'm just not interested."

The man looked crestfallen before noticing Maou and puffing out his chest. He looked pretty lame, wearing sunglasses in a hospital at night. Maou raised an eyebrow, and the guy pushed his sunglasses upward.

"That was some good work you did out there," he said finally. "You guys from Hatagaya sure don't mess around. I'll be sure to bear that in mind."

He held out a fist. Maou bumped it. He figured it was as close to a 'good game' as he was likely to get from a guy that didn't have enough sense to take off his sunglasses after the sun went down.

And with that, the Ente Islan party, aside from Chiho, made their way back to the Villa Rosa after another long, exciting day.

They all got into their pajamas, settled into sleeping bags, and quickly drifted off to sleep. The men all stayed in the Devil's Castle, while the woman slept in Suzuno's apartment.

"I had fun today," Chimei said quietly.

"Yeah," Emi agreed. "It wasn't too bad."

Suzuno grit her teeth. Emilia and the Demon Queen were thicker than thieves. And for some reason, she couldn't forget the things Ashiya had said to her earlier. At the end of the day, trying to plot against the demons seemed downright silly.

 _'Perhaps… Alciel's words are not so untrue,'_ she said mentally.

"Good night, Emilia," Suzuno sighed. "Goodnight, Helena."

"Night, Bell. Night Helena," Emi mumbled.

"Good night, Suzuno," the Demon Queen replied. "Nighty night, Emi."

And with that, the inhabitants of rooms 201 and 202 fell asleep, unbothered by the constraints of their roles and titles.

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes:**_

 _ **Yeah, I know this is a lame ending to the story. I honestly wasn't expecting it to end like that, but I have like six other projects that demand my attention, and I was just glad to return to these characters, even if only for a few thousand words. Oh, and before I forget, sorry it took nine months to write this. As I said, I've been working on other projects, and when I wasn't working on other stuff, I was just plain old working.**_

 _ **I actually had half a mind to make this a decent sized fic, but I just... don't have the energy. If that ever changes, this may be in for a rewrite.**_

 _ ***Music***_

 _ **onoffonoff-keshi**_

 _ **You're my everything-sadeyes**_

 _ **Even Though I'm Depressed-Chase Atlantic**_

 _ **Victorious-Panic! At the Disco**_

 _ **Finessse Gawd-Bryce Oliver**_

 _ **Fiction-Lund**_

 _ **X Gon Give It To Ya- DMX**_

 _ **Good reading and happy trails, everyone.**_


End file.
